[Quick off-the-cuff write up using characters from my books.]
Washington D.C., 2019
Anne returned from the bar with four Flat Tires which she planted before her fellow non-humans, "So, fess up, did any of ye actually vote for him?" Anne's voice dipped briefly into her old Irish accent.
Persephone scoffed, "No, certainly not. I can't think of any human being that I could possibly loathe more - as a woman or as an Earth goddess."
"What about you Hades? You may not be king of the underworld anymore, but still the Greek god of wealth, right?"
"I've seen his tax returns and I've heard his prayers," Hades popped the cap off of his beer, "in terms of wealth management or, well, any type of management, he's an embarrassment. Plus, he really reminds me of my brother."
"Which one?" Persephone asked.
"Entitled, misogynistic, bullying windbag that expects total devotion from the people he reigns over and has a record of sexual assault and incestuous leanings? Take your pick. Though the bloating reminds me more of Poseidon. Adresteia? What do you think?"
Nemesis didn't take her eyes off of the screen playing the impeachment proceedings. The television was muted, but the goddess of justice could hear the words nonetheless. There was a time when Hades bringing up Zeus would have ruffled her feathers, but Zeus's crimes against her were millennia past, as was her retribution against him. Now it was just part of her history, ancient history. "Either comparison is unflattering," she said, "but Zeus and Poseidon were, at the very least, not cowards. They fought in wars, risked their lives against powerful enemies, so I'm not sure who comes off worst in your parallel."
"Well, I'll tell you, if he'd lived back in our time, he'd have had no shortage of patrons," Hades said, "Enamored with violent authoritarians? Zeus. Got the working class shtick down to a T? Demeter and Poseidon. Multiple marriages and affairs? Hera and Aphrodite. Corpulent blood-sucking vampire? Dionysus. And I love Hestia, but she probably would have been on board with his build-the-wall thing back in the day."
"Depends on whether she or Poseidon got the contract to build it," Persephone said, delicately sipping her beer.
Over three hundred years - much of that time being friends with Adresteia - Anne had learned a fair bit about the ancient Greek pantheon, "That's all your brothers and sisters, what about the younger generation?"
"Well, Dionysus and I were part of that generation," Persephone said, "Demeter and Zeus were our parents."
"But what about the rest of you? Big family; had to be a lot of political differences that'd make the holidays downright miserable."
"Artemis would hate him as much as Persephone does," Hades said, "And probably would have killed his eldest sons by now. Hephaestus would have been a Yang supporter..."
"Really?" Persephone looked at him skeptically.
"He'd go with the tech guy. You know he would. And if he ever met the pig-in-chief, the asshat probably would have mocked him for being disabled."
"And gotten a blacksmith hammer to the face for it," Persephone said.
"Nah, for better or worse Heph was way chiller than that; he'd have gone and blogged about it. Either way, point is, he'd not be a fan. Heph's brother, Ares, would definitely hate the worm for being a draft-dodger. Athena would hate him for, well, being an idiot. Now, Hermes, I do not know. Hermes was all about business for the sake of business. Sweet talking people to get something for nothing was basically his bread and butter."
"So you think he'd have liked him?" Anne asked.
"I don't know," Hades said, "Hermes would respect the grift, admire it even, except that when you watch this con-man in action, it's difficult to see how he's been so successful. It just makes no sense."
"And Apollo?" Anne asked.
Persephone sucked air through her teeth, "Yikes. Yeah, that'd be interesting."
"Why?"
"Adresteia never told you what happened to Apollo?" Hades asked.
"No..."
Eyes still fixed on the screen, Nemesis gave the summary, "Helped Athena perpetrate a coup to overthrow the gods so that man would be free of their abuses. Was horribly disfigured by Hera and thrown from Mt. Olympus. Sulked in the Underworld preaching about the evils of gods and religions, then eventually found Jesus."
"What do you mean he 'found Jesus'?" Anne asked.
"I mean he found him. In the desert. He tried to tempt him away from his destiny and ended up becoming rather enamored with him."
"For real?"
"I was there," Nemesis said.
"You met Jesus?"
"Yeah. Is that really that hard to believe? People who claim to be gods kind of get my attention. Punisher of hubris and charlatans, and all that."
"And?!"
"Well I didn't punish him, if that's what you mean. We had a nice conversation, the three of us. He wasn't like us; he was something else. But he restored Apollo to his former state, healed the wounds Hera had left a thousand years prior, and then we all parted as friends."
"Just like that?"
"Well, I stuck around for a while to mete out a little divine retribution after he was crucified, but I knew he'd protest, so I restrained myself. Mostly."
"God damn. So Jesus was real? Is real?"
"Was. If there's an afterlife, he's there now. I hope for his sake there is," Nemesis's face softened slightly, "He was a sweet guy, and kind of got screwed on the life thing. Gods are supposed to live past forty."
Hades and Persephone clinked their beers together. "Maybe the real ones don't," Hades said.
"You think he was the real deal?" Nemesis asked.
"You met him; you tell me?" Hades said, "I mean, titles aside, we're not real gods. We're all faking it. Been faking it for over three thousand years, but we're still faking it, and I'd sure like to think there's something more than us looking over this world. Because if it's just us... well the world's kind of fucked."
"... I have to start going to church now..." Anne shook her head.
"Well, good luck finding one that believes in him," Nemesis said bitterly, "Most of them worship something else, slap a white man's face on it, and call it Jesus."
"Well anyway," Persephone interrupted, "Apparently, Jesus told Apollo to keep being a skeptic. Basically charged him with challenging mankind to be better. For about two thousand years he's taken that job pretty seriously, so ten-to-one, given the current proceedings, he's not far away. He'd be up there arguing both sides of the case if they let him."
"You didn't say," Hades said, "Who you voted for, Anne? We've delved into the Olympian demographic, what of the Fae? Your lot certainly carry more weight at the polls."
"Who would you expect me to have voted for?" Anne asked with a wry smile.
"Well, the president hates immigrants and doesn't drink alcohol," Persephone said, "so I imagine you'd not trust him too far."
"That's true enough," Anne said, "And I don't have much patience for racist bigots. I shed enough blood endin' slavery and killin' Nazis that I don't much care for them that wave either of those flags, or for them that tell me what to do with my own body, thank you very much."
"Hillary for sure, then?" Persephone asked.
Anne shrugged.
Nemesis finally tore her eyes away from the screen, "Anne, tell me you voted for Secretary Clinton."
"Well..."
"Who. Did. You. Vote. For. ?."
"I wrote in Bernie's name."
Hades burst out laughing, Persephone shook her head as she got up to get another beer. Nemesis's eye twitched tensely.
"You, a citizen of the United States of America since before it was the United States of America, who fought in almost every war in its history securing and defending the right to vote, entered the voting booth in November of 2016, and voted for someone who didn't even make it onto the ballot?"
"Actually I voted in October of 2016. Mail in."
Nemesis clawed at her temples in frustration, "What were you thinking?"
"What? I thought you of all people would be a Bernie supporter! You're all about fairness; Bernie wants to make the privileged and fortunate people share what they have with the less fortunate to balance the scales! That's... that's you! Balancing the scales! That's your thing!"
"That's... urgh... Anne, a president cannot do the things Senator Sanders promised. His agenda is moot, because he could never, would never be able to follow through with his plans. He's just another old white man telling people what they want to hear to keep his own bread buttered. Just like Samuel Adams. Would you have voted for Samuel Adams? Hm? No, because he was a shallow self-serving prick."
"That's not fair," Anne shook her head, "Sam wasn't that bad."
"Ben Franklin would be rolling in his grave if he heard you say that," Nemesis said.
"That's low, Addy."
"Why?" Persephone asked, confused.
"Ben and I had a lengthy friendship and a... dalliance."
"Seriously?" Persephone laughed, "Was he good?"
"For an old man?" Anne said, "Yeah, he really was. I had no complaints, certainly. And neither did he."
"Look, primaries start on Monday and this farce of a trial will essentially be over in the next 24 hours," Hades said, "So the real question is who we're backing in 2020? Anne's still going to support the Berninator, I assume."
"Yes, proudly."
"Well, my girl A.O.C. gave Bernie her endorsement," Persephone said, "So I'd probably swing that way. I'm guessing, my dear husband, you'll be supporting Bloomberg?"
"Nope," Hades shook his head, "Mayor Pete."
"The god of wealth is going to back the one candidate that's not a millionaire?" Persephone quirked an eyebrow.
"You saw all the news coverage with the wine cave, right?"
"That was one of our wine caves?" Persephone asked, "I really have been distracted."
"Well, I was making a big donation anyway, and figured, eh, what the hell? We might as well have some fun with it all."
"That didn't play well for him in the papers," Anne said.
"If you saw the size of the check I cut, you'd know how little that mattered. How about it Adresteia? Who are you voting for?"
"Well I was going to vote for Kamala Harris," Nemesis said, "but that didn't pan out. I certainly won't scribble her into my ballot though," she glared at Anne.
"Well maybe you should," Anne narrowed her eyes, "Because maybe an election is about more than winning."
"Ugh, it doesn't even matter, anyway," Nemesis shook her head, "Between the electoral college and the incumbent rigging the process who knows how many different ways, it's not going to be a fair election regardless."
"Oh, so that's it?" Anne said, "You're just going to give up like that? Not vote at all because the system doesn't work the way it should?"
"Would you play a game with someone who openly cheats?" Nemesis pressed her.
"Depends on the game," Anne shrugged, "For poker that's half the fun. If there aren't five aces in the deck, you're doin' it wrong."
"I'm being serious."
"Well what choice do you have but to play the hand you're dealt as best you can, no matter how much everyone else at the table cheats."
"What choice? I could fly over to that building right now and settle their squabble quite finally. Or maybe just hop on board Air Force One mid-flight and redecorate the inside."
"And thoroughly destroy our country in the process?" Anne said, "Is that what you would want?"
The three gods looked back and forth at each other, their expressions either apathetic or ambivalent.
"We've been around ten times longer than you, my dear fae," Hades said, "It's hard to get too invested when you've seen as many empires fall as we have."
"It's not like the United States was ever really special," Persephone said, "I mean, look at the buildings down the street; even their architecture is derivative of two failed republics."
"You three are really that cynical? Addy, if you go in there all goddess-of-retribution-like, that'll be it for rule of law - it'll just be rule of you. Is that what you want? Three thousand years stalking evil and wickedness in the background of history, and you suddenly want to play god? Like Zeus?"
"Hmm..." Nemesis smiled, "Well, maybe there is another way." She got up and headed to the door.
"What? Where are you going?" Anne asked.
"I need a more convincing birth certificate. Don't want my opponent finding out I was born 3200 years ago in Knossos to nonhuman parents. Pretty sure that would disqualify me several times over."
"Disqualify you?" Anne asked, "From what?"
"Being president, of course. That orange vampire thinks he's a god, so why shouldn't a goddess run against him?"
"The election is less than a year away," Hades pointed out, "Even if I back you, there's no way you can get on the ballot at this point."
"That's fine," Nemesis said, "I'm sure the ass-hat will try to run for a third term. His kind always do. I can humiliate him in 2024. I'm not getting any older."
Nemesis left her three friends exchanging nervous glances.
"She did actually just leave to start a political campaign, right?" Anne asked, "and not to go do the assassination thing?"
"No... probably just the campaign thing..." Hades looked at Persephone uncertainly, but she just shrugged. "She probably won't kill anyone tonight."
"Probably?" Anne asked.
Persephone gave Hades a worried look, and he sighed in resignation, "Get the tab, dear. I have to go make sure a lot of unrighteous heathens make it safely to their beds tonight."
"She'd go after the turtle man first," Persephone said, "But maybe, you know, let her succeed a little?"
"Succeed a little?" Hades asked, "What does it mean to succeed a little at smiting someone?"
"I don't' know - you know, just a few small lightning bolts instead of one big one? Light smiting."
Anne smirked, "I feel like there's obvious joke about Kentucky Fried..."
"No," Hades stopped her with a raised finger, "Shush. You've done enough. Damned goddesses always having to fix things..." he muttered and disappeared out the door.
"So..." Anne said, "Any more upbeat news to share?"
"Well, I was appreciating the rising CO2 levels in the atmosphere," Persephone said, "Despite the deforestation and wildfires contributing to it. But then the koalas started dying, and now I think it might be past time I did something about climate change. Personally."
"Oh, wow," Anne nodded, "You're going to use your god powers to undo it?"
"...Sure..." Persephone smiled icily, "Something like that."
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