Friday, January 18, 2019

Calico Jack and the Sanguine Sailors (Part VIII)

December 26, 1719 – New Providence

“And what did ya do then?” the buxom redhead across the bar asked, “Did you ever see this goddess of yours again?”

John smiled, “In fact, I did. I was still nursing this injury,” he showed her the bizarre scar on his forearm, “when an eagle came to the window of my cabin with this,” he pulled out his copy of the Odyssey – slightly singed, but still readable – and handed it to her. “Can you read?”

“What do yeh take me for?” she quirked an eyebrow, “I can read just fine in English and French. Wouldn’t mind someone teachin’ me Spanish though,” she winked. The woman opened the book and flipped to the inside of the cover; there was a handwritten dedication inside. “Is this Greek?”

“Aye, I had to take it to a scholar in Port Royale to get it translated.”

“What does it say?”

“It says, ‘Homer was a romantic fool, but I hope you find your home sooner than than Oddy did.’ So, I guess that’s my life now – trying to find home.”

“And dodging monsters and French frigates all the way.”

“You don’t believe me? Was the story just too strange?”

“Oh, I’ve seen my share of the strange in this world,” the woman smiled, “No, the only thing I don’t believe is that anyone in a sloop could be lucky enough to survive a point-blank broadside from a 44-gun French frigate. Now, about your tab…”

John gave her a pained look, “But it’s my birthday!”

“Well I call bollocks on that one for sure,” she reached for the gold coin in John’s hand.

“Uh-uh,” he snatched it away, “I never spend that one. This coin came to me from Sam Bellamy himself. I’m supposed to take it to his widow in Cape Cod.”

“Black Sam’s been dead for close to two years,” the woman said, “And you’ve not gotten that done?”

“I’ve been busy,” Rackham said, “I swear, Massachusetts colony is my very next stop. Soon as I can find a new quartermaster, that is. T. and D.C. went their own way, soon as we made port.”

“You got anyone in mind?”

“Yeah, I talked to a fellow this afternoon by the name of Marius, Marius Read. He’s an unusually skinny bloke, but a damned fine sailor if half the stories he tells are true. Assuming I tear myself away from this fine establishment to get the job done, are you likely to still be here next time I make port in Nassau?”

“Me? Where would I go? I burned down my daddy’s plantation and all I got from it is a lazy-ass useless husband to support. No m’friend, I’m stuck right where I am.”

“Well, maybe next time I’m in town, we can see about changing that,” he patted the book and pushed it back across the bar to her, “Hold on to it for me, love. It might take a little before you get into it, but you’ll enjoy it.”

“That’s what my husband said when he tried to prick me in the bum,” the woman looked at him skeptically.

Rackham laughed as he fished some change out of his coin purse, “Never change, Anne Bonny, the world would be so much less interesting without women like you.”

“Well now, Calico Jack Rackham thinks I’m interesting. I must be doing something right.”

Calico Jack got up from his seat, kissed Anne’s hand goodbye, and headed to the tavern door. He had an errand to run, and relating that story had impressed something upon him – it was probably best he unload Sam Bellamy’s lucky coin before he ran into Adresteia again.

Calico Jack and the Sanguine Sailors (Part VII)

November 22, 1718 - Caribbean Sea


Rackham's sloop struggled to keep up with Vane's brigantine, but at dusk The Ranger began to alter course erratically, allowing The Goblin to catch up. Adresteia, now much recovered, transformed into an owl and flew ahead of them to see what was going on; she came back with grim tidings.

“I believe The Ranger’s crewmen already attempted a mutiny,” Adresteia said, “The decks are slick with blood and Vane’s men are tossing some of the bodies overboard.”

“Some of them?” John asked.

“I imagine some he’s saving for later. Or recruiting.”

“That sets it, then,” T. said, “without The Ranger’s crew taking action, we’d have to board her, and we’ve no chance of doing that in a damaged sloop.”

“Little chance of that, true, but a much better chance of getting The Ranger to board us. Vane needs men to sail that brigantine…”

“Human men,” Adresteia said, “unless he intends to let the ship drift during the day.”

John nodded, “And we have that in abundance – even with our casualties from The Indien, we still have dozens of men packed onto this sloop.”

“You think he’ll really believe us coming to him cap in hand?”

“If we frame it right, yes.”

Rackham outlined the plan, and before long he was tied to the main mast. The men took a few rounds pelting him with old fruit and vegetables, and after some cajoling, John persuaded D.C. to give him a few good hits. Adresteia perched on the yardarm above him, looking on with interest in the form of a vulture – a transformation that Rackham imagined was her version of humor.

It was fully dark when The Goblin caught up to The Ranger, giving Vane no reason to suspect they were aware of the violence that had already taken place aboard the ship. That made it a great deal more believable when T. shouted over to the brigantine.

“Ahoy Captain Vane,” the man cried, “we need The Ranger’s aid!”

“What can I do for you gentlemen?” Vane shouted back, his eyes glinting red in the darkness below his broad-brimmed buckled hat, “Where’s Jack? Have you finally gone and keel-hauled him for his stupidity?”

The Goblin was badly damaged by that French ship. We’ve lost two guns, and the mast is cracked. We have lumber, but nothing large enough to replace it. We’ve lost many men, and have many more requiring the attention of The Ranger’s surgeon.”

“And Jack?”

“We have taken him in bonds for his recklessness,” T. shouted as D.C. held up a lamp so that Vane could see Rackham bound and gagged. “The men vote to throw him overboard, but as this is still your ship and your crew, we’ve brought him to you to pass judgment.”

“Well, alright then,” Vane gave the order to cast a line to The Goblin and draw her in, “Bring your wounded aboard and we’ll discuss the rest after I’ve had a chance to talk to Jack myself.”

T. praised Vane for his generosity, and helped the rest of the crew haul the wounded aboard The Ranger as Vane swung down to the deck of The Goblin. There was enough blood and destruction aboard the ship, Vane failed to notice that over half of the ‘wounded’ were men with minor injuries or entirely unscathed, and it didn’t register in his mind that it took fully the entire crew of The Goblin to carry those men aboard The Ranger, where they promptly went below decks to the lumber stores, ostensibly to look for materials to repair The Goblin.

“Well, well,” Vane walked up to Rackham clapping slowly. His ridiculous mustache was stained with blood, and his sharp teeth stank of death. “I suppose now I have a decision to make. I have to ask myself, ‘Did Jack take on that frigate to impress me, or did he do it because he knew I couldn’t fight in the daylight?’”

John tried to mumble something in reply, but the cloth in his mouth made it impossible.

“What’s that, nothing to say?” Vane laughed at his own humor, “Ah, I’m sure you don’t appreciate the gag.”

Rackham rolled his eyes. The bad pun made him want to kill Vane all the more.

Vane yanked the cloth out of John’s mouth, “Well, what have you to say for yourself?”

“Is there any plea that doesn’t end up with me dead.”

“Depends on what you mean by ‘dead’,” Vane said, “despite the circumstances, I must admit I’m not unimpressed by your attack on that frigate. You’re a wild animal, Jack, and I have a mind to kill you, but maybe I’d do better to tame you.”

“Meaning?”

“They say keep your friends close and your enemies closer – that’s what I’ve done. I’ve let my most loyal men run the Ranger in the daylight, and passed my gift onto those men what cause me problems. Counter-intuitive, I know, but they’re generally more amenable to my way of running things once they’re in the same boat.”

“They were already in the same boat.”

“I mean that metaphorically, you obstinate contrarian. When they find themselves facing the same needs and limitations, they change their tune pretty quick, and don’t so much mind how I do things. Of course, part of that’s just because they’re compelled to follow me as their master.”

“And you? Who do you serve?”

“The old ball-and-chain back in Nassau, of course,” Vane said, “but she’s not so bad. She sent me back to sea. Out here, I’m free to do as I please. No one tells me who to kill or who to turn. Master of my own fate.”

“She sent you away? Right after your wedding? You really that bad in the sack, mate?”

“Heh,” Vane chuckled and laid a slightly clawed hand on John’s chest, “I can think of all sorts of ironic things to do with you if I turn you. Far more satisfying than killing you.”

“Not saying I don’t swing that way from time to time, mate, but it’s not going to happen with you.”

“You’ll feel differently soon enough.”

Adresteia swooped down and severed the ropes restraining Rackham. John dropped to the deck and rolled to the railing, grabbing a pair of free belaying pins. He rushed at Vane with the two wooden clubs, but the undead pirate darted backwards towards the captain’s cabin with incredible speed, dodging the attacks. His feet caught in something sticky though, and when he glanced down to see what he’d stepped in, John threw one of the clubs and smacked him in the shoulder with it. Vane grunted and dodged the second throne club, but it struck its intended target – the lamp hanging behind him shattered, spilling burning oil that ignited the pine tar under Vane’s feet.

Vane screamed and ran from the fire, peeling off his coat. As a man, he might simply have leapt overboard, but empusa were not buoyant – he’d sink like a stone. That not being an option, he frantically patted out the flames and shouted for his men to come to his aid. Fifteen fanged monsters descended on the sloop. John took up another belaying pin in one hand and ignited it in the fire, waving back his attackers with the burning cudgel while running down the length of the ship with an axe in his other hand, cutting the Ranger’s lines.

John couldn’t have taken on fifteen mortal men, and each of these creatures were as strong and fast as Vane. Fortunately, this was no longer Rackham’s fight.

Adresteia descended to the deck and changed form, towering over the bloodthirsty monsters. They cringed with instinctual fear, and some tried to run back to the Ranger, but the brigantine had already pulled away with a loud splash – Robert Deal being tossed overboard to join his master.

Adresteia’s fingers sprouted talons to match her wings, and she began slicing her way through the undead pirates, showering the deck with gore and reveling in their terror. One of the pirates jumped her from behind, wrapped his arms around her, and tried to bite her neck. His teeth barely even bruised her skin, though, and she grabbed his wrists, pulled them away from her, and with a powerful yank she pulled the pirate’s arms from their sockets. She swung the limbs as dull clubs for a while, laughing gleefully as the undead pirates tried to escape.

One of the pirates finally drew his sword and swung it at Adresteia, but John blocked it with his axe, shielding her from the blow. Vane saw Rackham’s intervention and inferred weakness, “Steel you fools!” Vane shouted, “Use your weapons on her!” The rest of the pirates drew their cutlasses and knives.

Rackham tried to push the first of them away, but the pirate dropped his sword as John put his weight against it. Rackham lost his footing, and the pirate bit him squarely on the arm. John screamed and staggered backwards. His blood burned, and he could already feel it getting hard to breath, as if he’d been poisoned.

Adresteia dropped her improvised weapons and flicked her wrists. Blue energy – the purest form of her divine power – crackled from her talons. With a wave of her hand, she unleashed a cascade of lightning that arced into the metal weapons the pirates clutched in their hands. The electricity did the monsters minor harm, but the wooden deck below their feet began to smoke, smoldering from the heat.

Vane charged at Adresteia from behind, but John charged into him shoulder first, slamming him into the deck rail. Vane grunted as the wooden rail broke several of his ribs, and before he could recover, Rackham grabbed him and threw him to the deck. John jumped on him, and began punching him relentlessly. His fists did no serious harm to Vane’s face, but the punches pounded Vane’s skull against the wooden deck, rattling him.

The deck was now on fire and Vane’s men were running about screaming in terror. Adresteia decided well begun was half done and that it was time to get Rackham off the ship. She batted the smoke away with her wings and used her powers to sap the heat from the air around her until she found Rackham, still beating on Vane’s indestructible face and gasping for breath.

She dragged him off of Vane, “He’s done, let him burn with the rest.”

“Me too,” John showed her the wound on his arm, “I’ve been bitten. I’m going to turn into one of them. I have to die with them.”

Adresteia smiled, “Then let me perform one last miracle.” Her hand glowed with blue lightning as she wrapped her fingers around John’s arm. Rackham screamed in agony as she sterilized and cauterized the wound with her power, and burned the poison out of his blood. Rackham begged her to stop, but she persisted until the taint was purged, and then threw him overboard.

Fortunately, splashing into the tropical water reinvigorated John. As he swam towards The Ranger, The Goblin began to sink behind him. The sky above the sloop cracked open, and lightning struck the small ship’s broken mast as the gun powder stores exploded violently, transforming the sloop into a rain of smoking embers.

END =>

Calico Jack and the Sanguine Sailors (Part VI)

November 23, 1718 - Caribbean Sea


“God damn you for a coward, Robert Deal!” Rackham shouted as they watched The Ranger retreating in the distance. John had expected Vane to sit out the fight in the darkness of his cabin, but he hadn’t thought the man such a feckless coward that he’d order his men to fully turn tail.

The Ranger is full before the wind, Captain,” T. said.

“Which means we have no hope of catching up to them,” Rackham said, “D.C., retrieve our guest from my cabin. T., take the helm.”

“Heading captain?” T. asked.

Rackham jerked a thumb back at The Indien, “Away from that. Fast.”

D.C. came out with Adresteia covered by a blanket. The men murmured with confusion, some of them bandying about the word ‘witch’ and ‘cursed’, but John hopped down to the deck to talk to her.

“I’m not an expert in the naval strategies of this century,” the woman said, “but it sounds like you’ve bitten off more than you can chew.”

“If I free you, can you save us?”

“My offer was to deal with Vane and his men for you, to kill monsters. Not to help you slaughter men serving their country – be they English, Spanish, or French.”

“I’m not asking you to sink their ship,” John pleaded, “Just to help us escape.”

“Justice would be to leave you to the fate you’ve invited upon yourself.”

“Are you willing to die for that?” Rackham said, “Because unless I take those shackles off of you, you’ll sink with the rest of us, won’t you?”

Adresteia slowly mused over the options, seeming to take pleasure in the crew’s terror.

“Whatever you are, you still know what it’s like to love someone,” John remembered their conversation about Odysseus as he tried to think of an appeal that would connect with her, “that has to be worth living for.”

“I have many things worth living for, Captain Rackham, but if you want my intervention, you need to do more than unchain me.”

“Anything,” John hurriedly unlocked the shackles.

Adresteia shook them off of her wrists, “Kneel captain, and pray for my mercy.”

John looked at her like the notion was absurd at first, but her face was deathly serious. Rackham fell to his knees, “Adresteia, goddess of justice and retribution, please have mercy on us. Please forgive our petty sins.”

“Petty?” Adresteia said skeptically.

“Our terrible sins, our wicked evilness.”

“And your hubris too…”

John took a moment to remember what that meant and then nodded, “Yes, I have been arrogant, foolish. I should have shown you the respect you rightly deserve from the moment we found you.”

“And…?”

“And…? I don’t know, what else do you want?” John was genuinely baffled.

D.C. threw himself down on his knees before the woman, “Please, spare us and I will give up this life of sin! I will live righteously from hereon! I will spill no blood and take no wealth!”

“Hm,” Adresteia said, “We can discuss that, but for now, I’ll call it good enough.”

Light crackled from her eyes like St. Elmo’s fire. John felt for a moment like he was shrinking, but soon realized Adresteia was growing. She grew larger, until she was more than a head taller than him, and she spread a pair of black-feathered wings from her back, like some sort of dark angel. At that, many of the men threw themselves to The Goblin's deck and began praying to their various gods.

Adresteia raised a hand behind them and the sky turned black – actually, everything behind the Goblin turned black. The wind from astern turned cold – so intensely cold flakes of snow blew past them. The light in Adresteia’s eyes pulsed, even as she squeezed them shut in concentration.

“What… what are you doing?”

“Apollo may have been a sun god, but darkness was always my friend,” Adresteia said, “I’m stealing the light, all of it - even the warmth in the air and water - so unless your pursuers are willing to sail blindly through icy seas into absolute darkness, they’ll break off their pursuit soon enough.”

John ordered the men back to the rigging – they needed to make the best speed possible, regardless of what happened, but when Adresteia finally released her hold on the light he could see she’d been right. The tropical waters behind them were dotted with ice flows, and The Indien had turned hard port to avoid the bizarre anomaly. Some of the men cheered, but many were too bewildered by what they’d seen.

Adresteia returned to human form and walked over to the stair to the aft deck to sit down, visibly exhausted. John beckoned for food as he took a knee in front of her.

“That was…” the words escaped him.

“A miracle?” Adresteia said, “Miracles were our trade back in the day. Miracles, blessings, and curses. Takes a lot out of someone, but the repentant prayers of dozens of terrified pirates? Exactly the sort of thing that gets my blood going.”

“I owe you my life. We all do,” John said, “whatever you ask of me, I will do it.”

“I’d ask you to renounce piracy, but I think that’s a bit unrealistic. And I’m not naïve, Captain Rackham. There’s little difference, morally, between the predatory actions of this little floating society you’ve created and the empire’s whose ships you often prey upon. So flaunt their laws as much as you see need to feed your people, but promise me one thing – never again shall you spill innocent blood.”

“… Just for the sake of clarity, how do you define, ‘innocent’?”

“Simple rule, Jack, if you think maybe you ought not to do something, don’t do it.”

“Yeah,” John nodded, “I understand. I promise. But when you say spill blood…”

Adresteia rolled her eyes, “A punch here or there is fine.”

“Thank you,” John said as D.C. brought forth an offering of fruit and dried meat.

“You, my darkly complected friend, are wasted aboard this ship.”

“Ma’am?” D.C. was puzzled.

“You promised to give up this life of violence, but I think pirates are too skilled at it to take up farming. The talents you’ve honed aboard this ship need to be put to service of a cause greater than yourself. Seek out the cimarrones in Jamaica, and you might find such a purpose. Perhaps one day your captain will follow your example.”

“Yes, ma’am.” D.C. nodded his head respectfully.

T. had been looking on, and at last he spoke, “You realize that many of the Christians aboard this ship saw those black wings and likely believed you’ve taken up with Lucifer, Captain.”

“I think there’s some non-Christians that’d likely say that too,” John said, “And some will be wondering if it was really Vane who killed the Spaniards on last night’s prize. But right now, Adresteia is our savior, and our betrayers are aboard The Ranger.”

“What do you intend captain?”

“I want my revenge on the devil himself, or as he calls himself right now, Charles Vane. Adresteia, will you still stay and fight beside us?”

“On the off chance that he hasn’t killed the women and children he took hostage?” Adresteia said, “Yes, I will deal with Vane and his men.”

“Stay on The Ranger, then, T. We’ll catch up to her and see what her crew has to say.”

NEXT =>

Calico Jack and the Sanguine Sailors (Part V)

November 23, 1718 - Caribbean Sea


By the time John returned to deck the sun had risen. Most of The Goblin's crew was sleeping off the long night of hard work, and he sorely wished he could join them. He might need to dispose of Vane just so they could all go back to working reasonable hours. Rackham walked to the bow of the sloop, and looked at The Ranger. Even assuming Adresteia was good to her word, if he unleashed her on Vane the pirate's brigantine might not survive the fight, and The Goblin wasn’t big enough to sail with any more men than were on it already. That would be more than a small puzzle to solve. Rackham climbed the ratlines up to the rigging and stretched out in an empty cargo net, deciding that he’d need sleep if he wanted to be sharp.

He was awoken in the early afternoon by the ringing of the alarm bell. He rolled out of the net and swung down to the deck on a loose rope.

“What is it, T.?” John shook off the sleep as best he could.

“A big prize,” the native man pointed to the horizon and passed the spyglass to his captain, “she’s as big as a frigate.”

“She might be a frigate,” Rackham said, “Whose colors is she flying?”

“No one’s,” T. said. “She’s keeping her allegiance to herself.”

John walked over to the bridge’s starboard rail as they ran up alongside The Ranger.

“Robert!” John shouted for Vane’s quartermaster, who ran the ship during the day, “Kick Charles out of his bunk and let’s do this!”

“I can’t do that,” Robert Deal said, “He does not like to be disturbed during the day.”

“Do you have any idea what a ship like that is worth?” John said, “And between us, we have enough men to take it and sail it. Tell Charles if he gets his ass on deck I’ll give him that frigate for his birthday.” John would happily take The Ranger for his own ship and leave The Goblin to T.

Deal looked conflicted. On some level, John felt badly for putting the man in that position. Robert was a bit of a weasel, but he worked hard and was good at his job. “The wind is against us,” Deal finally said.

“We’ll play rabbit,” John shouted, “Stir them up, get them to waste some shot trying to hit us, and then run away with the wind at our backs, leading them back to you.”

“That plan works better in the dark,” Robert pointed out.

“Watch for her to show her colors when we attack her,” John said, “Then raise the like as we come back to you and close on us as if you’d been pursuing us.”

“You think they’ll fall for that?”

“If you throw a few shots before our bow as we approach, I think it’ll confuse them enough for The Ranger to get in a solid first blow.”

It was a plan that placed most of the risk on John’s ship and men on The Ranger's deck were clearly in favor of it, so Deal relented, “Make to, I’ll rouse the captain.” The men on both ships cheered and stamped their feet as The Goblin split away to give chase. If Adresteia was right, Vane would cower in his cabin to avoid the daylight while his men did all the hardwork. That would leave no doubt in the crewmen’s minds that he was unfit to captain The Ranger, and make disposing of him much, much easier.

There were some perks to sailing a smaller ship. The first was that you were less visible. While John could see their quarry, it was fairly unlikely that her men had spotted either The Ranger or The Goblin yet. The second benefit was that you had less inertia and a smaller, simpler sails. If the wind was at your back, that was a bad thing – smaller sails caught less wind, and if the wind died down for a moment, a small ship might quickly become becalmed while a heavier ship would continuing moving for a while. If the wind was against you, though, the same sails that propelled you instead dragged against the wind. The trick was to compromise with the wind, to reach a middle ground, by putting the sails at an angle where they still caught more wind from the back than the front, but kept the ship moving generally in the direction you wanted to go. When you strayed too far off your objective, you'd turn the ship around and sail back the other way, "tacking" in a zig-zag pattern rather than sailing in a straight line.

Since anything that could go wrong generally seemed to do so, a sailor could seldom expect to have the wind on his side. The art of sailing, then, largely revolved around the dynamic geometry involved in tacking, and it was overall easier to make the frequent course changes it required with a light, simple ship like The Goblin.

Sailing with the wind squarely at their backs, a big ship like their quarry could eventually overtake The Goblin, its larger sails gathering more wind and its greater mass maintaining a more consistent speed. However, since the sloop had simpler sails and less momentum, she could change tack more quickly, effectively making her faster against the wind than the bigger ship. Right now, that would allow them to catch up to their quarry quickly, but Rackham knew that it would likely make it difficult to run away. Fortunately, they wouldn’t have to run far with The Ranger waiting downwind to ‘intercept’ them.

As they got closer, John got a better look at their quarry's build. She was the sort of ship the South Sea Company ran – that meant she was likely to have some good loot, though the ship would be more than enough reward in itself. The Goblin closed on the company ship, and John was able to read the lettering above the back windows: Indien. John had intended to make a friendly advance before raising his black flag – a smiling skull with two crossed cutlasses – to announce their true intentions, but apparently the Captain of The Indien was not a trusting soul. The colors unfurled from her topmast and revealed that, apparently, whoever the ship had been built by had sold her to the French navy. She was sporting their colors and their guns. The port holes opened to reveal nearly two dozen 12-pounder guns.

“Captain…” T. voiced alarm, “she’s a 40-gun frigate…”

“No,” John assured him, “she’s 44-guns at least.”

“Perhaps we’d do well to run?”

“She’s a fourth rate ship, not even a ship of the line. With the Ranger’s help, we can take her.”

“The Ranger’s a 12-gun brigantine, captain…”

“I’m aware of that T. Fortunately, we don’t have to sink her, just get her close enough for the men on The Ranger to board her.”

They turned The Goblin hard starboard, putting them against the wind but lining them up to fire on The Indien’s stern and placing them well out of her broadside arc.

The Goblin was a single mast ship with a single deck of guns. She wasn’t a sloop-of-war – such brawny little warships wouldn’t see the waves for another two decades – but like most self-respecting pirate ships, the little Jamaican sloop was better armed than she had any right to be. Two 12-pounder guns and one 24-pounder fired on the back end of The Indien with a thundering that shook the small ship down to its bones. Iron balls hammered the wood on The Indien's stern and smashed through the windows of the captain’s cabin. The Indien’s captain would doubtlessly be above deck right now, but the damage would surely annoy him. The men cheered and began to reload.

The Indien turned port to get before the wind so she’d have more speed to work with, but The Goblin shadowed her, staying on her aft as best it could. Unfortunately, the more The Indien turned before the wind the faster she turned, and as The Goblin arced around her into the wind, it lost considerable speed. When The Indien fired her port guns, the nearest ones managed to get a piece of The Goblin, punching a whole in the gaff sail and splintering the deck behind John. That was certainly too close for comfort, and it was about to get closer. The Indien was between them and The Ranger, and for John's plan to work she needed to be chasing them to The Ranger. That meant they’d have to pass her somehow, and unless the captain was stupid enough to continue turning his ship, that meant facing a broadside.

The Indien arrested its turn, and began to turn back to starboard, zig-zagging in the hopes of intercepting The Goblin with a full broadside. Fortunately, with the wind now at their backs, John had more options. Even with its sails full, the ship could turn much faster than The Indien, so he corrected course hard port to sail around The Indien’s port side. He prayed that the guns on her port would be slow reloading, but didn’t bank on it. He steered The Goblin right up against The Indien’s port hull and shouted for a point-blank barrage from the three starboard guns. The guns hammered The Indien at close range, the 24 pounder outright cracking the hull.

The Indien fired back, unloading all 22 port guns in a frantic attempt to sink them. It was a bad position for The Indien to be in, though. The naval guns on big ships are mounted for firing at targets far away. Their barrels were tipped upwards by default, and John had rushed them enough they hadn’t had time to both reload and drop their barrels to fire on a close target. Moreover, the guns were all but static, laterally, so even at long range it would be hard to train all 22 on a target the size of the sloop – at point blank range, it was impossible.

For The Goblin, this was salvation – the majority of the 22 shots missed The Goblin, either streaking well above her deck, past her bow, or behind her stern. Only the eight guns closest to the waterline were low enough to possibly hit, and two of them missed – one firing ahead of The Goblin’s bow and one astern. Unfortunately, the six 12-pound iron balls that connected were devastating. Two of the Goblin’s starboard guns were destroyed, with several men ripped apart by the projectiles or the shrapnel, one ball punched a hole in the main sail, and another ball glanced the mast, cracking it.

Fighting would no longer be a realistic possibility, so John ordered the gun stations unmanned, their crews tasked with carrying the wounded below deck and throwing the dead overboard to lighten the sloop. The hole in the sail would cost them speed, but they couldn’t stop to re-rig it properly, so the crew pulled out a replacement sail and cast it over the damaged sail. It was awkward, but they needed as much speed as possible to escape.

The Indien again arrested its turn and steered back towards them, trying to sideswipe them, but even damaged The Goblin accelerated too quickly for The Indien to catch that way. The little sloop streaked away from the French frigate. The frigate could ultimately catch them over a distance, but the sloop just needed to outrun them long enough to reach The Ranger; Vane’s brigantine would be fresh and ready to carry the fight.

At least, it would have been if she hadn’t been sailing the wrong direction.

NEXT =>

Thursday, January 17, 2019

Calico Jack and the Sanguine Sailors (Part IV)

November 22, 1718 - Captain's Cabin on The Goblin

When John Rackham entered his quarters, his captive was already out of her box and trying in vain to pick the lock on her manacles with a knife. She sank the blade into his desk with frustration when she saw him.

“Naked, chained, and in a box,” she said simply, “For hours.”

“I suspect if the naked part really bothered you, you wouldn’t have tossed your blanket aside. Or is prancing your bare ass about my quarters part of some plan to seduce me and earn your freedom?”

“Ugh, don’t make me sick.”

John laughed, “Am I really that bad?”

“Not with your mouth shut, but the notion that I should pleasure you sexually to earn anything would be repellent to me no matter what you looked like.”

“Well, I was being sarcastic. Look, maybe we got off on the wrong foot. Name’s John Rackham, though most call me Jack.”

“Hi John, I’m ‘Fuck you let me out of these things.’" The woman jangled the chains on her wrists, "Nice to meet you.”

“Do you have a shorter name?”

Adresteia,” the woman sighed.

“That’s an unusual name. Why does it sound so familiar..?”

Adresteia shook her head, as if she found the whole situation absurd. She walked over to the book shelf behind him and laughed.

“What is it? What’s so funny?” John asked.

The woman pulled one of the books off the shelf and began flipping through it, “You have a copy of the Odyssey.”

“Hey, careful with that!”

“Why? It’s not like it’s a signed first edition.”

“My father gave it to me when I joined the British navy. It was the last time I saw him alive.”

Adresteia stopped laughing and changed her demeanor sharply. She traced her fingers across one of the pictures in the book.

“You miss him?” she asked.

“Most days,” John said.

“I know the feeling. I’ve lost a lot of people over the centuries. Makes it tempting to just... shut people out.”

“Centuries?” John asked.

“Right, you still think I’m crazy.”

“No, given Captain Vane just threatened to literally bite my head off, I’m very open to hearing what you have to say.”

“Hm, seeing is believing.”

“Right, I’ve seen with my own eyes that Vane’s transformed into some sort of monster. But you say that you’re more dangerous still than him; who are you?”

“Adresteia’s as much my name as any other. I’ve been using it for… two and a half millennia?”

“What? No, if that’s true you’d be older than…”

“Than what’s in this book?” Adresteia asked, “I was already centuries old when I met Odysseus. You know, he had no love of pirates, but he might have liked you. I think you have that same smartass attitude he always had, albeit, shifted more towards the ‘ass’ end.”

John studied her face. He’d known plenty of grifters who could sell the most minute details, and confidence men who could convince you of outrageous things, but every instinct told him the look on her face was sincere.

“You loved him?” John inferred.

“We were friends,” Adresteia said, “Intimate friends, but nothing more.”

“Friendship and sex, what more is there to love?”

“Plenty, when you can’t have it,” she said sadly.

“So, if you’re not human… what are you?

“Unique. I was engineered from the blood of various powerful Titans, including the Olympian, Zeus.”

“Engineered?”

“Yes, by Hera. To serve as their enforcer and assassin. They needed someone to keep the humans pious. Their power depended on worship – without devoted followers, they would languish.”

“What about you?”

“I draw my power from the fear of the unrighteous,” Adresteia explained, “The worse their transgressions, the more power I can bring to bear.”

“So, I imagine in your mind, pirates are…”

“I’m not fond of your kind, no. But I’m not unreasonable. Free me, and I’ll deal with your problem, and spare any who are still human.”

“If you’re so powerful, how are those shackles keeping you in check?”

“They’re iron. So long as I’m bound by these shackles, I’m too greatly weakened to break them. Ferric metals, especially pure iron, are among the few things that can hurt my kind.”

“Well, a steel blade didn’t do much to Vane.”

“Your Captain Vane is not like me. As I said before, he’s a mortal man transformed by a divine plague into a bloodthirsty abomination. Metal weapons will injure an empusa easily, but any wound less than an amputation or a decapitation will be superficial, cosmetic. It helps them pass for human.”

“Then they’re invincible.”

“Not at all. Artemis didn’t take well to Dionysus’s plagiarism of her masterpiece, and she enlisted the help of her twin brother, Apollo, to curse the abominations so that they would never overrun the world as Dionysus had intended.”

“Apollo? He was the god of the sun, right? So is that why Vane and his men have been keeping to the dark?”

“Apollo was a god of the sun, for what the good there is in the word ‘god’, but yes, that’s why. The light of the sun brings life, even to unlife, and it makes them weak. It restores their breath, and makes their heart beat again. Even the light of the full moon is enough to stir their blood to some degree.”

John was confused, “That doesn’t sound like a bad thing…”

“Anything that breathes can be exhausted, anything with a heartbeat can be killed.”

“So, by the light of the day they’re human?”

“Not quite. The sunlight does not abate the empusa’s thirst. If anything, it makes it more intense – driving them to the edge of sanity. In fact, some Norse empusa would subject themselves to it voluntarily, stripping off armor and clothing before stepping on the battlefield.”

“Berserkers...” John had heard some stories of the long past Vikings. They were, after all, icons of pirate lore.

“Yes. They’d fight with inhuman ferocity under the light of the sun, but the sunlight also gave them human weaknesses - for those seeking entry into Valhalla, that's not a disadvantage.”

“So the easiest time to kill one is when they’re at their strongest?”

“The gods were always fond of ironies, but there is another way. Artemis loved trees and bows, so she made sure that – day or night – a wooden arrow shaft would always fell an empusa as well as any mortal man.”

“I’ve never shot a bow…”

“And you needn’t learn to now,” Adresteia assured him, “Any wooden weapon – a club, a tent stake, even a piece of furniture – carries enough sunlight infused into its essence to hurt them as if they were human. Fire will also hurt them, provided it’s fueled by wood or something derived from a plant. Olive oil works if you can get it hot enough.”

“Or pine tar,” John reasoned. There was always plenty of that on a ship. “How would you do it?”

“If you freed me?” Adresteia said, “It depends on how lazy I’m feeling. I might just beat Vane’s face into the deck of this ship until his head caved in, or maybe rip him in half.”

“You’re that strong?”

Adresteia jingled her chains, “Don’t you want to find out?”

John had the key from the ship, but he still wasn’t sure about the woman. He believed she was who she said she was, at least, as best as he was able to believe in such things, but just because she was telling the truth about that didn’t mean she wouldn’t rip him and his men apart as an appetizer before taking on Vane.

“Why were you hiding on a Spanish ship, naked?”

Adresteia shrugged, “Among my abilities, I can assume the form of a bird…”

“An albatross?”

“Or a gull, an eagle, a sparrow… any bird, really. I perched upon Athena’s shoulder as an owl for the better part of thirty years. Unfortunately, I can transform myself, but not my clothes.”

“That explains the naked part, but what were you doing there? How did you get caught?”

“For the past few years I’ve been searching the Atlantic for something very valuable – a coin.”

“A single coin? What coin is that valuable?”

“It’s Fortune’s coin,” Adresteia said, “and it confers her blessing onto any man or woman that possesses it.”

“What do you need a lucky coin for?” John asked.

“Need it? Ha! I abhor luck. It’s antithetical to justice. It elevates the incompetent and punishes the hardworking.”

“So you want to get rid of it. Okay. How did you end up captured?”

“I was… distracted by a barrel of apples.”

“What? Seriously?”

“I’d been living off of live fish for three months patrolling the shipping lanes. It was difficult to pass up a meal of fresh fruit. Unfortunately, while I was raiding the ship’s food stores in human form, the ship’s cook caught me from behind and struck me over the back of the head with an iron skillet.”

“What sort of man attacks a naked woman with a skillet?”

“What sort of man cowers below decks while his crewmates die fighting pirates?”

“Fair enough.”

“Now, please, Captain Jack – release me so I can solve your problem.”

“I’m fond of gambling, but not with my life. I need more time to think on this.”

NEXT =>

Calico Jack and the Sanguine Sailors (Part III)

November 22, 1718 - Captured Merchant Vessel

It was a long wait for the mysterious woman Rackham had found below the merchant ship's decks – there were many boxes to move, and when The Ranger’s crewmen began taking some of the spoils aboard their ship, John had to jump through some hoops to make sure her box ended up in his cabin instead of Vane's hold.

While the cargo was being moved onto the two pirate ships, rumors about what Vane’s men had done below decks spread through both crews, and some of The Ranger’s crewmen approached John with their own concerns; a few even pleaded with him to take him aboard his ship because they’d become so fearful of Vane. It was enough that the dread captain eventually took notice.

Their prize was as stripped as the men could manage. Not only had the cargo been divided between their two ships, rations, sailcloth, lumber, and even the few cannons aboard the ship had been hoisted over to complement the arms of its predators. The surviving passengers were all aboard The Ranger, but that still left a dozen Spanish sailors to deal with. John had insisted the sailors be allowed to give their dead comrades their last rites before they settled on what to do with them. Once that was done, they were gathered mid deck of the captured ship, and Vane stood before them.

“I have no love for Spaniards,” he said, “but if you can understand what I’m saying, then you can follow orders. Join my crew and I’ll not leave you here to die on this derelict.”

John could tell two of the sailors understood Vane’s ultimatum, but were afraid to go with him. Rackham spoke in Spanish so all of the men (but not Vane) could understand him, “Captain Shit-for-Brains is saying he hates you because you’re Spanish, but if you can understand English you should come aboard his ship anyway so you can toil away thanklessly until he tires of you and keelhauls you.”

The Spanish sailors laughed nervously. Vane sneered at John, suspecting he was being mocked.

“In all seriousness,” John continued in Spanish, “My sloop has few bunks left, but there’s an uninhabited island not too far from here frequented by Spanish ships. You might have to fend for yourselves a few months there while you wait to catch a ship, but it’s a damn sight better than drying up like jerky on driftwood. So, you can sign onto my crew, and be expected to pull your weight same as everyone else, or you can stay here and pray for the Virgin Mary to come down and tow your ship to port. Now, show of hands, who is for staying here?”

No hands went up.

“In that case, please board the ship to your port side. We’ll settle up the rest when we’re under way.” He added, “Vamanos muchachos!” The men got up and filed over to John’s ship.

“You realize you have to feed all of those men,” Vane said.

“Probably cheaper than feeding your men,” John said.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing. Blackbeard told me once that the key to a successful pirate ship was in having a nearly chaotic excess of spirited men amongst whom to divide the labor. If your ship isn’t on the cusp of anarchy, you’re not doing things right.

“Oh, well, if anarchy is the key to running a good ship, maybe I should have kept you on as my quartermaster,” Vane growled.

“What happened below decks today, Charles?” John decided to be straightforward. Vane had never been his friend per se, but they’d worked well together for a time. He owed the man an opportunity to give his side of the story privately.

“I told you, the menfolk tried to fight back. We had to kill them.”

“Really? Were you outnumbered? Did they have better weapons? As far as I could tell, most of them were paper pushers, so I have a hard time imagining they were that dangerous.”

“You calling me a liar Jack?”

“I’m saying that no axe, cutlass, or knife twists a man’s arms off and tears out his throat.”

“A musket ball will take a man’s throat out, sure enough.”

“That’s your explanation? You killed six men with silent musket shots to their necks?”

Vane turned on him in a flash, seizing hold of him and lifting him off the deck by the neck. Catching the lamplight of Rackham’s ship, Vane’s eyes glowed faintly in the darkness, and when he curled back his lips John could see his teeth were no longer those of a human being.

“Listen well, you insolent pecker: I’ve spared you thus far because that sloop makes bringing in prizes a great deal easier, and you sail her well. But these ships are mine, and the men on them are mine, to do with as I please.”

John didn’t wait for Vane to finish his monologue; he drew his knife from the sheath tucked under the back of his vest and plunged it into Vane’s neck. Vane snarled, grabbed the knife, and tossed it aside as if the injury meant nothing to him.

“When I said the men on these ships belonged to me,” Vane hissed, “That included you, Jack. You can’t hurt me. No man can hurt me. But I’ll give you that one final transgression because you were such a good quartermaster once. From now on, though, I expect unconditional respect. When I give an order or make a decision, I expect you to follow it, support it, even cheer for it, because if you don’t, I can pop your head off your body like cork off of a rum bottle. Now, do we have an understanding, ‘mate’?”

“Aye mate,” Rackham gasped, “I understand.” Vane dropped him and stomped back to the Ranger to give the order to get under way. John returned to his ship, rubbing his neck. The crewmen were chattering anxiously – apparently some of them had seen Vane pick John up like a doll, and were baffled as to how that was possible.

“What happened?” D.C. asked.

“I found out our stowaway wasn’t crazy. Vane’s stronger than a man twice his size, can shrug off being stabbed in the neck, and to top it all off he has… weird teeth.”

“What do we do now?” T. had been listening to their exchange.

“We could just set sail back to Nassau,” John said, “The Goblin can out run them long enough to disappear in the dark, and we have a decent score to fence.”

“But that still leaves many of our mates aboard that monster’s ship,” T. said.

“And if there’s really a plague aboard the ship… they could all become like him,” D.C. lamented.

“It’s late, and we have our press-ganged sailors to deal with,” Rackham said, “T., you deal with the Spaniards. You know enough Spanish to read them the articles. D.C., talk to the other men, get a sense of where their loyalties lie and see if we’re likely to have friends on the Ranger. I’m going to talk to our mystery woman.”

Rackham gave the helmsman the order to follow the Ranger for the time being, and went to his cabin.

NEXT =>

Calico Jack and the Sanguine Sailors (Part II)

November 22, 1718 - Captured Merchant Vessel

The men entered the storage room and found an olive-skinned, black-haired woman chained to the floor by iron manacles, covered only by a shredded blanket.

“You’re the stowaway witch, I take it,” Rackham said. Naked and with her wrists chained to the floor, John cringed to think of what the woman had been subjected to.

The woman seemed to read the thought on his face, “Is that a twinge of concern I detect?” the woman asked.

“I don’t have much regard for men who hurt women,” John said.

“Funny sentiment coming from a murdering pirate,” she said.

“I’ve never killed a woman,” John said.

“But no qualms with killing their fathers, sons, and lovers?” the woman asked, “Why is it so many men have such narrow perceptions of harm?”

“I don’t kill a man if he has the good sense to surrender.”

“Hm, cold comfort to Senor Garcia,” she nodded to the corpse behind them in the hallway, “falling to his knees and begging for mercy seemed to get him killed all the faster.”

T. and D.C. exchanged worried looks. The three of them had inferred what had happened, but when the rest of the crew found out there’d be hell to pay.

“T.,” John said, “go up and start organizing parties to move out the valuables. Make sure every man on our ship carries a load.”

“You want them to see this?” T. gestured to the bodies.

“What do you have in mind, captain?” D.C. asked.

“I just don’t anyone calling me a liar later on,” John said, “Now off with you, T., let’s get it done.”

“Aye, captain,” T. headed back up to the top deck.

“The men who came down here before us,” Rackham said to the woman, “Did they harm you?”

“Oh, they got one whiff of me and turned around,” the woman said.

John stepped a bit closer, and took a sniff. Ships always smelled below decks. A water-tight hull filled with sweaty bodies was a recipe for stench. Add to that the smell of the dead bodies, and John couldn’t discern anything especially pungent about the woman.

“I don’t smell anything,” D.C. said out loud.

The woman laughed, “Oh, you’re mortals.”

“’Mortals’?” Rackham asked.

“Human,” the woman said, “Not like your comrades who came down here first.”

“You think they weren’t… human?” Rackham asked.

D.C. looked back at the mutilated bodies behind them, “I wouldn’t say she’s wrong.”

“You haven’t noticed them acting strangely?” the woman asked, “Tell me, have you ever seen any of them out in the daylight?”

“Of course I have.”

“When was the last time?”

“Well…”

“We haven’t seen Captain Vane in the sun since he got married,” D.C. said.

“And when was that?” the woman asked.

“Over two months ago,” Rackham answered, “In September.”

“And it was just him being reclusive, wasn’t it. Then it was another, and another, and another…”

“I don’t know, I don’t sail on his ship,” that was half true – Rackham spent little time aboard The Ranger since the wedding, but he got an earful from her sailors whenever they weighed anchor together, and when they’d met up with Ed Teach to discuss an alliance in October, Blackbeard had warned John to go his own way, saying Vane had become something "unnatural." Rackham had assumed it was the rum fueling Teach’s notoriously dramatic approach to everything, but now he wasn’t sure. “What do you think they are?” he asked the woman.

Empusa,” the woman said, “Mortals who’ve been transformed by a plague started thousands of years ago by Dionysus.”

“What’s ‘Dionysus’?” D.C. asked.

“Ancient Greek god of wine,” Rackham said, “the party god.”

The woman laughed, “So few of you understood him, even back then. You all saw the gentle, happy, fool. Only his most devoted saw the layer below that: the thirst, the hunger, the loveless hedonism. They used to worship him by cannibalizing each other, drinking each other’s blood. Eventually, he found a way to make people do so. He gave his followers a sanguine bargain to trade their souls for blessings of power and longevity.”

“And that became a plague?”

“Artemis, goddess of plagues and moonlit hunts, had already given a similar ‘blessing’ to mankind, and it inspired Dionysus," the woman said, "and he never cared much about consent in any of his affairs, so he was perfectly happy to inflict his ‘blessing’ on people whether they wanted it or not.”

“How does one catch this plague?” D.C. asked nervously.

“The bite that does not kill transforms,” the woman said, “Not always, but often enough.”

“The wounds on those men’s necks…” D.C. said.

The woman gnashed her teeth facetiously, “The quickest way to a man’s blood is through his carotid.”

“But they left you alone... because you smelled bad?” Rackham said.

“Maybe; does a lion smell bad to a wolf?”

“So, whatever they are, you’re saying you’re more dangerous than them?” Rackham found that difficult to believe.

“Yes," the woman gave John a chilling smile, "Free me, and I will deal with your problem.” She thrust her manacled wrists forward. She’d wrapped strips of the blanket she was under around her wrists to protect them from the raw metal, but John could see her skin was badly injured underneath, blistered and bloodied as if she’d been burned.

“Don’t do it,” D.C. said to Rackham, “You said she was a witch, didn’t you? We can’t trust her.”

“That’s what the Spaniard said,” Rackham said, “but that doesn’t mean she is. I’ve known plenty of story-tellers and cold-readers that could have sold the same scam. She’s probably harmless.”

“Skeptical?” the woman said, “Then you have no reason to unchain me, do you?”

Rackham studied her for a moment. Despite her unfortunate circumstances, her bearing and expression were those of a woman unbent by captivity. She seemed supremely confident that she would soon be out of her shackles. To Rackham, that was both alluring and terrifying.

“Vane wants you kept here,” John said, “possibly left here to die. If I release you, I’ll be at war with him, and regardless of whatever madness you say he suffers from, his ship has a good deal more guns than mine.”

The woman shrugged, “I'll sink his ship for you, then.”

“There are still good men aboard The Ranger!” D.C. said.

“And it would be a waste of a good ship, too,” Rackham said, “I don’t trust you, but I’m not going to leave you to die.” Rackham scrounged around for some tools and found a stone mason’s hammer and chisel. The woman presented her shackles again, but John ignored the gesture and used the chisel to free the chains from the floor. The woman remained shackled, but was free to move around.

Thanks,” she said flatly, clearly perturbed at his decision to leave her hands bound.

“Now what?” D.C. said, “You can’t simply walk her to our ship; many of Vane’s men will still be up on deck.”

Rackham used the hammer and chisel to crack open a crate and began pulling things out.

“You can’t be serious,” the woman said.

“I take it such a ruse is beneath you.”

“If you knew who I was, you’d understand.”

“Well, we can talk about that aboard my ship. Until then, get in the box and keep your trap shut.”

NEXT =>

Calico Jack and the Sanguine Sailors (Part I)

I wrote this short story before Christmas. It needs a lot of work, I think, but I've been excited to share it (and I felt the need to exercise my editing skills) so blog-posting it is!

November 22, 1718 - Caribbean Sea


John Rackham brushed the water from his eyes. At sea, there were times when a torrential rain like this was welcomed. It refilled the freshwater barrels and washed away the thin film of salt that clung to every surface on the ship. Right now, though, it was more than a bit inconvenient. If the gathering darkness of twilight hadn’t already made visibility poor enough, the thick sheets of rain certainly would have. The pervasive water ruined gunpowder and fuses and made the deck slick, slowing the top-deck gun crews as they struggled to do their jobs while keeping their equipment dry. This much rain would also soak the lines and sails, making them heavier and more difficult to work with. The winds were calm enough there wasn’t any need to put into safe harbor, but it was still a terrible night to take a prize.

John’s elected commander, Charles Vane, had argued that their men were better prepared to deal with the elements than their quarry. The pirate captain claimed that every hindrance their two crews struggled to overcome, the merchant ship’s crew would find twice as challenging. Their guns would be unusable, their sailing clumsy, and their spirits dampened. Vane had claimed the storm would do half their work for them.

Not that it was a great challenge anyway. It was two against one and Vane’s brigantine, The Ranger, and Rackham’s sloop, The Goblin, were packed with men and over-armed with small cannons, while the merchant ship would be travelling light on both accounts. The rampant piracy in these waters compelled many traders to stick close to naval convoys or well patrolled trade routes, but for ships crossing the Atlantic, that could be difficult. Sometimes, captains kitted their ships out to hold their own against any piratical aggression, but more guns on a ship left less room for cargo, and more sailors left less room for paying passengers. Unless the materials or people crossing the ocean were especially valuable, many shipping companies would gamble on an uneventful trip, and regard the captain and his crew as expendable.

John adjusted The Goblin’s heading to cut across the bow of the slower merchant ship, forcing the larger vessel to change its course slightly to avoid a collision. His job wasn’t to take the ship, but to slow it down and keep its attention. While he was tacking back and forth in front of it like a madman, The Ranger was approaching from the merchant vessel’s aft. With its lamps doused, it would be nearly invisible to the merchant’s crew until the moment it opened fire. It was a dirty trick Vane had learned as a child in London – he’d throw himself in front of some mark with a fat wallet, begging for a tuppence, and then his father would clobber the unfortunate soul from behind with a sap.

John gave the order to adjust their heading again, and to prepare some grapeshot in their small cannons, but the crack of thunder from a dozen cannons stopped his tongue; The Ranger had caught up to the merchant vessel. The seasoned sailors on The Ranger, mostly disaffected veterans of the English navy, aimed their guns high, lobbing iron balls over the deck – the goal was to terrorize the merchant crew and mangle the rigging, not to punch holes in the hull and destroy the loot inside.

The merchant vessel tried to return fire, but it was a volley of no more than three or four shots; half the ship’s gun crews were probably too panicked or poorly trained to perform well in a crisis. They’d be even less prepared to take fire from both sides.

John ordered the grapeshot loaded, and cut across the merchant’s bow again. He turned The Goblin sharply port, against the wind, to open fire on the merchant’s port hull as she passed. The smaller sloop would have a poor angle on the ship, and most of the small lead balls would bounce off the hull. The shot would be ineffectual, but sound terrifying to anyone below decks. John brought The Goblin back around to catch the wind again and ran up alongside the merchant ship, coming in close enough that crewmen were able to lob grenadoes onto her deck. Screams sounded on the merchant ship as small bits of shrapnel maimed the sailors. Finally, a loud, fiery explosion erupted near aft deck – one of the small bombs had set off a gunpowder barrel. The helmsman would almost certainly be out of action, and possibly the helm itself. The merchant vessel was effectively rudderless. The Ranger perforated the ship’s sails and bloodied its deck with its own round of grapeshot, and then cast grappling lines to entangle her rigging and drag her in. John ordered his men to do the same, and before long the two ships had slowed the merchant vessel to a stop.

Rackham left the helm, grabbed a loose line tied to one of the yardarms, and swung across the churning water to the merchant vessel’s hull. The rain made it difficult, but he caught hold of one of the boarding ladders and began clambering up. Two dozen of his men followed him up and onto the deck. The rain had largely doused the fire from the explosion, but it still produced enough light for John to see dozens of bodies – many of them still writhing in pain – littered across the deck. Vane’s round of grapeshot had likely been unnecessary, and Rackham wished he’d ordered his men to keep their hand-tossed explosives for another day.

On the other hand, despite the pirates' use of excessive force several of the merchant crewmen attempted to go toe-to-toe with the boarding party with wooden belaying pins pulled from the ship’s rails. Rackham’s crew cut through them with steel cutlasses and marlinspikes. John singled out the man who seemed to be shouting the most – he had a cutlass in hand, but was gripping it like a child, waving it about at full arm’s length. John knocked the blade aside with his own, and then belted the man across the jaw, knocking him onto his knees. Rackham kicked the man’s sword away, and lowered his blade to the man’s throat. He didn’t have to say anything – the man threw his hands in the air and began pleading for his life in Spanish. John never heard him give the order, but the crewmen clearly realized the ship was lost and dropped their weapons.

Rackham prepared to give his dramatic, ‘your ship is ours’, speech, but was interrupted by a gravelly voice – Vane clambered up the other side of the waylaid vessel with his boarding party.

“Good work, Jack,” Charles Vane praised John reluctantly, “But then, that’s why I gave you the sloop, isn’t it?”

Rackham rolled his eyes. He’d been Vane’s quartermaster aboard The Ranger in the months since they'd broken out of the English blockade around Nassau. To discourage mutinies aboard a pirate ship, the quartermaster’s share was traditionally equal to the captain's, but despite that measure captains were still wary of losing their positions to more popular, charismatic leaders. John hadn’t had Vane’s ruthless aggression, but he’d treated their men better, and before long Vane had begun to worry that his second-in-command would usurp him. When they finally took a ship to replace the one Vane had sacrificed breaking through the blockade, Vane had dealt with his problem by ‘promoting’ Rackham to captain of the little sloop. While that sounded nice, a promotion from quartermaster to captain was barely more than a lateral move, and leaving The Ranger to sail on a gunboat that some men might have derisively called a dinghy wasn’t even that.

Ordinarily, when boarding a ship it was custom for a captain to lay out a big speech – in Rackham’s mind, it was half the fun of being a pirate. It gave the captain an opportunity to perform in front of his crew and to head off any potentially bloody misunderstandings before looting the captured prize. Vane had never been especially charismatic, though, and had become even less so since marrying in September. In fact, everything Rackham disliked about Vane had become worse since then. It was such a sharp turn in the man’s personality, John had decided he should swear off matrimony.

Vane grabbed the man Rackham had subdued and hissed in his face, “How many below decks?”

¿Qué?

Vane growled in annoyance and shoved him at Rackham, “Ask him how many passengers and crewmen are left below decks.”

“You really should learn Spanish, mate.”

“So I can talk to the whores in Cuba?” Vane said, “What’s the point?”

Vane was a fool. The Spanish still controlled much of the Caribbean, their tongue spoken throughout the islands – not knowing Spanish was like being half-deaf and half-literate. And talking to the working women in Cuba was definitely worthwhile – for one thing, they told all sorts of embarrassing stories about their English clients.

But fine, whatever, Rackham thought; so long as Vane could handle the tactical matters, Rackham could be smart enough for the both of them. John sheathed his sword and grabbed the man in a headlock, mocking a friendly embrace.

“Here’s the situation, amigo,” John spoke in Spanish, “We’re here to take anything of value, with a mind to sail back to Havana and sell it off. To a limited extent, that includes you, your men, and your passengers, who we would like to ransom off to the government there. Now, we can’t do that if we have to kill you all, and that’s exactly what’s going to happen if any part of this little transaction takes a jot to the left, you get my meaning?”

“Y-yes,” the man answered in Spanish.

“My shit-for-brains ugly-ass captain is about to send his most trusted, dimwitted, and cruel men to search below decks,” Rackham continued in the man's language, “If they encounter anything – anyone – they don’t expect, they’ll react violently and butcher everyone down there. So, that being the case, I need a very, very specific list of people they should be prepared to find down there.” The man understood and immediately began rattling off a list. Rackham listened and translated for Vane.

“Four couples, three with children, civilian passengers bound for Havana, and the galley cook," Rackham said in English, "The ship’s physician was on deck treating the wounded when the gunpowder went off and tossed half of him into the sea. Shouldn’t be any more crewmen below decks unless they were hiding from the fight.”

“Not a problem,” Vane said, “If they weren’t ready to fight alongside their brothers on deck, they won’t likely raise arms against us now.”

“There’s one other…” John asked the man to repeat what he’d said and translated as best he could, “He says there’s a witch aboard the ship.”

“A witch?” Vane asked skeptically.

“A stow away. Apparently a crewman stumbled upon her a couple of days ago.”

“What makes her a witch?”

“He claims they always inspect the ship very thoroughly just before leaving port, and that it would be impossible for someone to avoid detection. He says there was a strange albatross hanging around the ship since they left the Mediterranean, and it disappeared when they caught the woman. He thinks the albatross was the woman. The cook found her in the food larder and knocked her out. They clapped her in irons and the cold metal burned her wrists as if it were red hot.”

“Seriously?”

“Says she’s still chained up down there. They were still arguing about what to do with her when we attacked them. The story’s got to be worth a look, right?”

“I’m married, I don’t need any more witches in my life.”

Their prisoner babbled something else and John related it, “He’s saying again that there’re children below decks and begging you to spare them from any harm.”

“Heh,” Vane said, “You can tell him his bargaining position is questionable and I’ll do as I please. Vane rounded up his men and led them below decks through the hatch near the forecastle, while Rackham’s men secured the surviving crewmen with rope.

The rain slacked off, and Rackham heard screaming coming from below deck. He rushed down with two of his men in time to catch Vane coming back up with his. Vane and his men had blood on their hands and faces, and were dragging along four hysterical women and a number of children. The women were wailing and screaming in Spanish, shouting something about demons. If their prisoner above deck was telling the truth, there should have been five men too.

“What happened?” Rackham asked.

“The men decided to be heroic. Had to kill ‘em,” Vane sneered as he pushed past Rackham, “We’re taking the women and children aboard The Ranger. See to the rest of the cargo.” Vane talked to John as if he were a coolie.

“What about the ‘witch’?” Rackham asked.

“Who’s going to pay ransom on a stowaway?” Vane asked, “Leave her.”

Vane and his thugs headed back to The Ranger while John and his men looked over their prize. Seizing ships coming from Europe was always better than seizing ships going to Europe. Trying to unload a prize of sugar or cotton in the Caribbean wasn’t easy, but whatever European merchants might be hoping to sell in the colonies, pirates could sell just as well. Gold was every pirate’s dream, but Spanish galleons loaded with stolen treasure and inept guards were just that – a dream. Weapons were the next best thing to gold in terms of value, but they were a difficult cargo to move. Rackham’s preferred loot was hardware. Farm tools or building tools were always in demand, easy to sell off a bit at a time, and if they didn’t sell, saws, axes, drills, and the like could all be useful to a ship's carpenters. Likewise, lumber, nails, and the like were always a good consolation prize.

Rackham felt his boot sticking to something and pulled a lantern off of a support to better illuminate the deck. John had been colorblind since birth – a chronic inconvenience – but he didn’t have any trouble recognizing blood when he saw it. A small pool of it was congealing on the wooden floor. He followed it around the corner and found the source.

One of John’s sailors, an illegally freed slave John knew as "D.C." asked in his thick accent,“One of the missing men?”

“Aye mate,” Rackham said, “The cook from the looks of it.”

The other sailor, a native man, pointed to a bloody knife in the cook’s hand, “Vane didn’t lie; he took up arms against them.”

“Looks like it, T.” Rackham had long ago given up on pronouncing either of the men’s names, but reviled the practice of slapping ‘good God-fearing’ Christian names on people that didn’t ask for them. As a result, he knew and addressed a third of his crew by their initials or by handles like Lefty or Crank. Not everyone was happy with his approach, but no one preferred Vane’s approach of simply pointing at someone and saying, ‘Hey you,’ followed by whatever racial epithet he thought was appropriate for a person of their skin color.

D.C. stepped around and studied the man intensely.

“Thoughts?” John asked.

“When I was a very, very young child, a man in our village was killed by wild dogs. It looked much like this.”

“I don’t see any dogs,” T. said.

“Nor do I,” D.C. shook his head, “but look, his limbs have been twisted, dislocated, some of his bones snapped, as if he were caught between an alligator and a caiman in a tug of war.” D.C. pointed to the ragged wound below the man’s lower jaw, where the man’s tongue dangled backwards into an open trachea, “His throat has been ripped out, not cut by a blade.” Rackham had seen some grisly things while serving in the Royal Navy, but this made his top-twenty list for nightmare-inducing images.

“Don’t Mexicans use stone blades for sacrifices?” T. asked, “Those would leave rough wounds.”

“You’re thinking of the Aztecs, T.,” Rackham said, “And there haven’t been too many of ‘em going around making sacrifices since the Spanish wiped ‘em out 200 years ago.”

T. nodded, “True. There are certainly none on The Ranger. Perhaps he was sacrificed as part of a Christian ritual?”

“What?” Rackham looked at the man like he was crazy, “Christians don’t perform human sacrifices! Where would you get that idea?!”

“A Quaker fellow taught me to read some of his Bible when I was young, and it’s full of human sacrifice. Abraham and Isaac…”

“Abraham didn’t go through with it!” Rackham said, “God stopped him.”

“That day, yes, but how many days does he not stop his followers from sacrificing people?”

“None. He doesn’t have too. Christians don’t go around killing people as part of their religion.”

The native man gave him a hard look.

“Ritual sacrifice isn’t a thing in the Bible,” Rackham insisted.

“Then what’s with the little carvings of dead bodies Christians hang on their walls?” T. asked.

“That’s Jesus Christ,” Rackham said, “and hanging up crucifixes is a Catholic thing.”

“Well, I’m sure there are Catholics on The Ranger,” T. nodded.

“I thought Jesus Christ was your God.” D.C. said.

“No, he’s the son of God,” Rackham said.

“I thought that was Adam?” T. said.

“No he’s… that’s different,” Rackham said.

“Your God has a son?” D.C. asked.

“Well not anymore.”

“What happened to him?” D.C. asked.

“God sacri- you know, this isn’t the time for this discussion,” Rackham changed the subject, “Did either of you notice any of Vane’s men nursing an injury?” Rackham asked.

“No captain, none of ‘em were so much as sucking a thumb or bellyaching about a splinter,” T. said.

Rackham pried the knife out of the cook’s hand and gripped it as the cook had been, “typical amateur; tried to drive it down on one of ‘em like a pick,” John said, “rather than going for the gut.”

“So?” D.C. asked.

“So… if he stabbed one of them with the blade pointed down, how did blood get all the way up to the hilt?”

“He must have sunk it deep,” T. said.

“Aye, but that should have left a wound six inches deep. Maybe six inches long if the blade slid across a bone rather than going straight in.”

“An injury like that would kill a man,” D.C. said.

“Best case, he’d make it to the surgeon’s table before he croaked,” Rackham said, “but I didn’t see Vane sending any of his boys to see the surgeon.”

“Maybe he managed to stab himself?” T. suggested, “A clumsy man in a fight might be as much a danger to himself as to his enemy.”

“Maybe,” Rackham said, “But a man accidentally cutting his own throat before it’s torn out by invisible Catholic sea dogs seems a little unlikely.”

The three pirates continued exploring below decks and found the other men, likewise mutilated. None of them were armed with proper weapons. Most had obviously tried to defend their families with whatever loose objects they could pick up, but a couple looked like they’d tried to fight empty-handed. That sort of desperation was believable, but any man who’d worked more than a day as a pirate knew how to subdue an unarmed man without drawing a weapon. These fellows couldn’t have been a challenge for Vane’s men – even if they’d attempted to defend themselves, this was murder. That didn’t sit well with Rackham.

John knew his morality was somewhat skewed. It was hard for a man to sail ten years under the British flag and not become cynical. British seamen and marines seldom bled for their homeland – they suppressed rebellions for incompetent governors and secured trade routes for influential companies. He’d risked his life countless times so that the British Empire could wipe out or enslave weaker people, and he’d killed countless Spaniards to curtail their nation’s efforts to do the exact same thing. Rackham had learned that blood was cheap in the Atlantic, and seldom spilt for anything a civilized person would consider worthwhile.

Even so, Rackham still believed there was a limit a man had to abide by, even as a pirate. Killing a man to save your own life was fine, even if you started the fight, but killing a man who didn’t pose an immediate threat wasn’t. Executing prisoners was something the king did, and Rackham believed that if pirates lowered themselves to the moral standards of British royalty, they might as well return to his majesty’s navy.

Charles Vane was quite unlike him, though. The Ranger’s captain had been raised by the worst people in the worst part of London. He’d gone to sea on a merchant vessel to flee murder charges and eventually took the vessel in a brutal mutiny. He was aggressive and cunning, but he had no discipline, let alone compassion. Vane was a good pirate and an awful person.

And then Vane had spontaneously decided to marry a widow in Nassau. John had been surprised, partly because he couldn’t imagine Vane marrying anyone, but mostly because the woman he chose was extremely creepy. After his wedding night, Vane had changed. He left running his ship to his new quartermaster, Robert Deal, while he frittered away the day in his cabin or below decks with his favorite men, none of them ever setting foot above decks until it was dark. The lot of them had been getting rougher, meaner, colder than they were before, and then they’d done this.

“Why kill them?” T. said, “These men were well dressed, they could have been valuable ransom.”

“I don’t know,” Rackham shook his head.

“I’ve a locked door that’s been kicked open,” D.C. said.

Rackham went over and looked at the door – thick wood and iron fittings – it wasn’t poorly fashioned. Maybe two men had kicked together? With leverage…

A voice interrupted Rackham’s thoughts, “Have you come to check the carpentry? I can attest to the quality.” The statement was punctuated by the sound of chains straining and falling back on the wooden floor.

NEXT =>

Sunday, January 13, 2019

I finished Jurassic World: Evolution...

So, I more-or-less beat Jurassic World: Evolution tonight. For those who don’t know, it’s a console game in which you take on the challenge of reclaiming InGen’s islands and building different versions of Jurassic Park on each island. For most of the game, you work from the 3rd person omnipotent perspective, looking down on the island and editing layouts of fences, making decisions about what to sell in the gift shops, and tinkering with the DNA in your dinosaurs by mixing in genetic material from sharks, stag beetles, rattle snakes, goats, etc. (I mean, you don't have to put all of those things in at once, but in for a penny, in for a pound, am I right?)

You have vast powers over your beasts as their creator, and for the humans on the island, you're the only thing standing between them and teeth the size of railroad spikes. It's rather like playing God, if God micromanaged creation and compressed 300 million years of biological history into contemporaneity. [Insert joke about Kansas's educational standards.]

After you get the hang of the game, the divine balancing act is generally pretty simple – the biggest challenge is keeping the animals comfortable. Dinosaurs are, evidently, pretty easy-going. So long as they are “comfortable” they will generally stay in their enclosures and just wander around eating whatever you hand them. You can even drive up to them in a jeep and take pictures. They are surprisingly chill for warm blooded death machines.

Their "comfort" level is determined by a variety of factors specific to each species. Food and water are easily satisfied, of course - a small pool and a live goat satisfies most of the carnivores. More difficult is accommodating their very specific needs for grassland vs. forest – a Tyrannosaurus Rex can have a total meltdown because there is one tree too many or one tree too few in her sprawling enclosure. More difficult than that is managing their needs for ‘population’ – most of the animals don’t mind being pinned up with other species, but they have limits; some are okay with upwards of two dozen dinosaurs in their enclosure, while others can tolerate no more than a handful. Most difficult, however, is managing the dinosaurs’ social lives – some of the dinosaurs are okay being one-of-a-kind, while others are uncomfortable if there are less than four or five other dinosaurs like them in their immediate surroundings. And when I say ‘they are uncomfortable’, I mean, ‘they run at the nearest electrified concrete wall and bash their head into it trying to get out’.

So, part of the balance is making sure that each dinosaur has enough of the right dinosaurs around her so as not to be lonely, but not so many dinosaurs overall that she feels overcrowded. The game is basically a giant optimization problem similar to coordinating seating at a wedding reception, and once you learn which numbers to keep track of, it seems like it will be much easier than that. Unfortunately, as Jeff Goldblum (yes, the actual Jeff Goldblum) will repeatedly remind you, life is defined by unpredictability, by ‘uh… chaos,’ as he would say.

In the original Jurassic Park, the velociraptors were the reapers of chaos. When everything went wrong on the island, they took advantage of the situation and turned the tables on their captors – they proved chaotic, unpredictable, because everyone underestimated their intelligence. It’s a cautionary tale that you’re reminded of repeatedly by almost everyone in the game – most often by animal behavior expert, Owen Grady, who frequently warns you that dinosaurs are far smarter than you think they are, and by Goldblum’s Ian Malcolm, who frequently warns you that you are far dumber than you think you are. And, indeed, Jurassic World: Evolution, throws a major curveball at you with the dinosaurs’ intellects.

After decades of video game designers trying to make smart, challenging A.I. for video game NPCs, JW:E achieves something nearly as impressive – it challenges the player by making them responsible for what are possibly the stupidest animals to ever walk the earth.

The notoriously treacherous velociraptors are actually fine. So long as they get fed on time and have a friend, they’re okay. The T-Rex is even lower maintenance – she doesn’t require or want another tyrannosaurus for company, but if you fill her enclosure with velociraptors she’ll coexist peacefully with them. In fact, the tyrannosaurus is so chill, if the raptors break down a wall and escape, odds are the Rex will sleep through the whole ordeal. The perennial prehistoric pains are, surprisingly, the stegosaurus and the pentaceratops.

A stegosaurus requires at least four other stegosauruses nearby, and if she doesn’t have that, she’ll get “lonely” and attempt to resolve that emotional state through violence. You’d think that, if being close to your peeps were that critical to your happiness you’d be compelled to stay close to them – to move with the herd – but that’s where ‘chaos’ comes in. Logic is an arcane exercise for the stegosaurus; it abhors reason as heresy, and so, rather than pay attention to where the rest of its herd is, the stegosaurus is inclined to wander off into the jungle, suddenly realize its alone, and then decide (for no clear reason) that its missing mates must be inside the gift shop just over the electrified fence. At that point, the only thing that will stand between that angry meat tank and the small business it believes to be concealing its compatriots is an asset containment specialist drunkenly firing his Nerf gun from a circling helicopter. (Remember in the first book when Muldoon and Genarro dropped the T-Rex with a shoulder-fired rocket launcher from the back of the Jeep? Yeah, not in this game.)

Of course, this situation is made worse by the fact that all five of the stegosauruses in the herd are roughly equal in their stupidity, so the group quickly loses cohesion; they all become lonely, and they all smash their way out of their enclosures. But, it wasn’t an insolvable problem – I just stuffed them all in an enclosure too small for them to get out of sight of one another and voila! I finally had happy, comfortable stegosauruses NOT trying to escape every three minutes.

But, as dumb as the stegosauruses were, they were still not such a pain as the Pentaceratopses (hereafter referred to as Pences, because the full name is almost as painful to write repeatedly as it is to read). The Pences are, technically, easier to placate than the stegosauruses, as a Pence only requires two others of its kind close at hand. Unfortunately, the Pence features heavily in an end-game mission where you have to simulate a natural ecosystem by putting multiple individuals from half-a-dozen different species together in one large enclosure and keeping them there – and one of the individuals is a predatory Metriacanthosaurus (hereafter, "Metty"). This mission requires that two of those animals be Pences.

Unfortunately, two is less than three, so if you want to have any chance of keeping them manageable, you have to fudge the mission guidelines and over-produce Pences for the pseudo ecosystem. If you arrange things right, you can have your lab churn out all three of them in one go, so that they’re together from the get go – however, if you do your timetables wrong, or if Metty gets to one of them five feet out of the hatchery, then you’ll have to deal with two freaked out Pences while you slowly grow the third for their trio.

Those are pretty fair and predictable problems to have, of course. The curve-ball, again, comes with how dumb the Pence is. For one thing, I decided that in order to have a big enough ‘enclosure’ to make the animals happy, I’d actually reverse things, enclosing the human buildings behind walls like little medieval towns, and allowing the dinosaurs to roam free outside. That way, I thought, the dinosaurs wouldn’t really be motivated to ‘escape’, since they would already be free.

Unfortunately, that’s not the case.  A freaked out Pence will knock down the walls of your town, slamming itself headfirst into the electrified concrete until the barrier collapses, all to escape INTO a space that has no dinosaurs, food, or water. Of course, the first thing you do after pulling the go-to-the-shelters-alarm, is repair the wall so that nothing else gets in. On one occasion, my rangers were so slow in doing this, ALL THREE Pences managed to make it into town areas before I raised the damaged walls – unfortunately, they smashed their way into different town areas, separating them even further, and panicking them even more when they discovered they were trapped. So, I took control of the asset containment helicopter (because the alternative was watching the computer fly in idiotic circles around the hotel playing ring-around-the-rosy with the panicking Pences) and tranqed them myself. I arranged heavy lift helicopters to carry them all far from the town and dump them in one spot together

UNFORTUNATELY, in the time it took me to get the walls repaired, Metty – who by this point has acquired a taste for Pence meat – somehow slipped into one of the enclosed areas and hid, then waited for me to dose the Pences with tranquilizer, and proceeded to chow down on one of the dosed animals while I was arranging the lifts out. I drugged Metty and dumped him out back (on the opposite side of town from where I was sending his favorite food) and proceeded to clone a replacement  for the one he’d eaten.

UNFORTUNATELY, by the time the replacement was finished, the two remaining Pences had recovered from their drugged stupor, rushed back to the town, and smashed their way back through the walls – because of course they did. So I tranqed them again, flew them out to the boonies, and dropped them there along with their freshly cloned third.

UNFORTUNATELY, even recovering from the sedatives, the Pences were so angry about being ‘lonely’ that they rushed back to my town and knocked the walls down again. Abandoned by her fellows, Pence #3, of course, panicked and did the same thing. I tranqed all three, dumped them in one spot together, and – again – they did the same thing. They were so distraught at being alone, they failed completely to notice they were ALL TOGETHER IN THE SAME PLACE AT THE SAME TIME.

This turned into an endless loop until I finally just dropped them in a spot together, re-sedated them all before they could separate, and let them ‘sleep it off’ in a little pile. Unfortunately, they woke up about the time Metty found her way back over, and soon I was back to two panicked Pences. Fortunately, by that time the clock had run out on the mission, and keeping the dumbest animals in Earth’s history was no longer mandatory, so I relocated them once more – into the T-Rex enclosure – and allowed natural selection to scrub them from the island’s genepool.

The reason I felt compelled to write about this experience is that I feel like there’s some deep insight into human nature here. Three would-be-soul-mates were so distraught over their perceived abandonment that – rather than calm down and talk to each other – they would choose to beat their heads against reinforced concrete in a desperate attempt to escape freedom. All that while a higher power does its best to prevent their frantic stupidity from trampling the random people in their way, and attempts, repeatedly, to reunite them, before finally tiring of their persistent idiocy and feeding them to his forty foot long, 7-ton executioner.

I’m absolutely certain that has to be a metaphor for SOMETHING.

I find myself asking, really, are any of us any smarter than one of these idiotic, five-horned scaly cows? But then I also have to ask myself, would an idiot delegate his problems to a dangerously overweight Tyrannosaurus?




Don’t answer that.