******
For the men that are bewildered or
surprised by the MeToo thing:
There was this kid I knew in elementary school, "Ernie"; he was as some people would say "a right bastard". He used to bully me, but not only me - what really pissed me off was that he'd pick on the girls I was friends with. He wasn't a big guy, and even being the nonathletic geek I was I probably could have taken him apart if I'd tried, and in all honesty, I actually, genuinely wish I had.
But that's not what we do, right? Our parents teach us to runaway and go tell a teacher. (While everyone else teaches us not to 'tattle' on people.)
Ernie had this absolutely charming demeanor, though, that he could switch on anytime a teacher was involved. He could flash his big blue eyes and they would believe *anything* he said. It didn't matter if people 'told on him', it could be three voices against one, but his would always win, because he *never* did anything while the teacher was watching, and, well, he was just such a perfect little angel when they were.
The worst was when he broke a girl's arm during recess. She had to sit through the rest of class with a fracture because the teacher adored Ernie so much that she couldn't accept the possibility that he'd seriously hurt her, and decided that the girl was just being a drama queen trying to get out of a test.
Chances are, you can probably remember someone like Ernie from your own childhood, and you can probably remember someone like the teacher who protected him like her precious doll.
And while Ernie was the worst, he certainly wasn't alone. Per cliche, there were a couple kids that tried to compensate for their problems at home by bullying others, but I don't even remember their names; they backed down quick if you stood your ground, and - oddly enough - a teacher would actually keep her eye on the boy with baggy hand-me-down clothes and home-cut hair. More common were the boys like "Luke" and "Cole"; they didn't throw punches, just persistent, endless insults, taunts, and threats. They were darling little preppy boys with a promising future in local sports.
So, why am I wasting your time talking about my childhood bullies?
When someone told me her MeToo story years ago, I was sad for her and angry because it was literally impossible to do anything about it, and regardless of whatever your gender might be, it's really hard to swallow that pill, to accept that you *can't* fix something. It probably sounds stupid, since I wasn't the victim, but I cried for the better part of an hour, and many times after that, in private.
But I wasn't shocked that it had happened. It wasn't an exceptional or unusual or unbelievable story. I wasn't shocked that a man (or in her case, a boy) would do that, because I long ago realized that all of those douchebags that got away with everything when we were kids didn't magically go away during puberty.
In my senior year of undergrad, an underclassman (who I had never met) shoulder-checked me into a wall in the humanities and social sciences building and high-fived his buddy, who shouted 'DESTROYED!' These were good-looking, neatly dressed young men in letter jackets, bullying a 260lb, twenty two year old man in a crowded hallway filled with other adults.
What the **** do you think those sorts of guys do to young women when *no one* is looking?
Maybe *some* people change, but so long as being an asshole is 'working' for someone, I don't think they really have much motivation to give it up. I imagine "Luke" and "Cole" joined a frat, date-raped a few girls in college, got their MBAs, married women they could abuse, and settled into careers where they could safely harass their coworkers. Maybe not, I hope not, but that was the trajectory they were on in fifth grade.
And yeah, I think there'll always be Ernies out there. There will always be some inept parents who jump into the shallow end of the gene pool together and spawn sociopathic little snot-trolls who they dote on and protect unconditionally. But maybe the Lukes and Coles wouldn't carry on the way they do if the Ernies actually got their comeuppance - if they did lose their jobs, if they didn't walk away with big severance checks, or if - God forbid - they *actually* went to prison for breaking the law.
