Three Gods and a Banshee Walk Into a Bar

[Quick off-the-cuff write up using characters from my books.]

Washington D.C., 2019

Anne returned from the bar with four Flat Tires which she planted before her fellow non-humans, "So, fess up, did any of ye actually vote for him?" Anne's voice dipped briefly into her old Irish accent.

Persephone scoffed, "No, certainly not. I can't think of any human being that I could possibly loathe more - as a woman or as an Earth goddess."

"What about you Hades? You may not be king of the underworld anymore, but still the Greek god of wealth, right?"

"I've seen his tax returns and I've heard his prayers," Hades popped the cap off of his beer, "in terms of wealth management or, well, any type of management, he's an embarrassment. Plus, he really reminds me of my brother."

"Which one?" Persephone asked.

"Entitled, misogynistic, bullying windbag that expects total devotion from the people he reigns over and has a record of sexual assault and incestuous leanings? Take your pick. Though the bloating reminds me more of Poseidon. Adresteia? What do you think?"

Nemesis didn't take her eyes off of the screen playing the impeachment proceedings. The television was muted, but the goddess of justice could hear the words nonetheless. There was a time when Hades bringing up Zeus would have ruffled her feathers, but Zeus's crimes against her were millennia past, as was her retribution against him. Now it was just part of her history, ancient history. "Either comparison is unflattering," she said, "but Zeus and Poseidon were, at the very least, not cowards. They fought in wars, risked their lives against powerful enemies, so I'm not sure who comes off worst in your parallel."

"Well, I'll tell you, if he'd lived back in our time, he'd have had no shortage of patrons," Hades said, "Enamored with violent authoritarians? Zeus. Got the working class shtick down to a T? Demeter and Poseidon. Multiple marriages and affairs? Hera and Aphrodite. Corpulent blood-sucking vampire? Dionysus. And I love Hestia, but she probably would have been on board with his build-the-wall thing back in the day."

"Depends on whether she or Poseidon got the contract to build it," Persephone said, delicately sipping her beer.

Over three hundred years - much of that time being friends with Adresteia - Anne had learned a fair bit about the ancient Greek pantheon, "That's all your brothers and sisters, what about the younger generation?"

"Well, Dionysus and I were part of that generation," Persephone said, "Demeter and Zeus were our parents."

"But what about the rest of you? Big family; had to be a lot of political differences that'd make the holidays downright miserable."

"Artemis would hate him as much as Persephone does," Hades said, "And probably would have killed his eldest sons by now. Hephaestus would have been a Yang supporter..."

"Really?" Persephone looked at him skeptically.

"He'd go with the tech guy. You know he would. And if he ever met the pig-in-chief, the asshat probably would have mocked him for being disabled."

"And gotten a blacksmith hammer to the face for it," Persephone said.

"Nah, for better or worse Heph was way chiller than that; he'd have gone and blogged about it. Either way, point is, he'd not be a fan. Heph's brother, Ares, would definitely hate the worm for being a draft-dodger. Athena would hate him for, well, being an idiot. Now, Hermes, I do not know. Hermes was all about business for the sake of business. Sweet talking people to get something for nothing was basically his bread and butter."

"So you think he'd have liked him?" Anne asked.

"I don't know," Hades said, "Hermes would respect the grift, admire it even, except that when you watch this con-man in action, it's difficult to see how he's been so successful. It just makes no sense."

"And Apollo?" Anne asked.

Persephone sucked air through her teeth, "Yikes. Yeah, that'd be interesting."

"Why?"

"Adresteia never told you what happened to Apollo?" Hades asked.

"No..."

Eyes still fixed on the screen, Nemesis gave the summary, "Helped Athena perpetrate a coup to overthrow the gods so that man would be free of their abuses. Was horribly disfigured by Hera and thrown from Mt. Olympus. Sulked in the Underworld preaching about the evils of gods and religions, then eventually found Jesus."

"What do you mean he 'found Jesus'?" Anne asked.

"I mean he found him. In the desert. He tried to tempt him away from his destiny and ended up becoming rather enamored with him."

"For real?"

"I was there," Nemesis said.

"You met Jesus?"

"Yeah. Is that really that hard to believe? People who claim to be gods kind of get my attention. Punisher of hubris and charlatans, and all that."

"And?!"

"Well I didn't punish him, if that's what you mean. We had a nice conversation, the three of us. He wasn't like us; he was something else. But he restored Apollo to his former state, healed the wounds Hera had left a thousand years prior, and then we all parted as friends."

"Just like that?"

"Well, I stuck around for a while to mete out a little divine retribution after he was crucified, but I knew he'd protest, so I restrained myself. Mostly."

"God damn. So Jesus was real? Is real?"

"Was. If there's an afterlife, he's there now. I hope for his sake there is," Nemesis's face softened slightly, "He was a sweet guy, and kind of got screwed on the life thing. Gods are supposed to live past forty."

Hades and Persephone clinked their beers together. "Maybe the real ones don't," Hades said.

"You think he was the real deal?" Nemesis asked.

"You met him; you tell me?" Hades said, "I mean, titles aside, we're not real gods. We're all faking it. Been faking it for over three thousand years, but we're still faking it, and I'd sure like to think there's something more than us looking over this world. Because if it's just us... well the world's kind of fucked."

"... I have to start going to church now..." Anne shook her head.

"Well, good luck finding one that believes in him," Nemesis said bitterly, "Most of them worship something else, slap a white man's face on it, and call it Jesus."

"Well anyway," Persephone interrupted, "Apparently, Jesus told Apollo to keep being a skeptic. Basically charged him with challenging mankind to be better. For about two thousand years he's taken that job pretty seriously, so ten-to-one, given the current proceedings, he's not far away. He'd be up there arguing both sides of the case if they let him."

"You didn't say," Hades said, "Who you voted for, Anne? We've delved into the Olympian demographic, what of the Fae? Your lot certainly carry more weight at the polls."

"Who would you expect me to have voted for?" Anne asked with a wry smile.

"Well, the president hates immigrants and doesn't drink alcohol," Persephone said, "so I imagine you'd not trust him too far."

"That's true enough," Anne said, "And I don't have much patience for racist bigots. I shed enough blood endin' slavery and killin' Nazis that I don't much care for them that wave either of those flags, or for them that tell me what to do with my own body, thank you very much."

"Hillary for sure, then?" Persephone asked.

Anne shrugged.

Nemesis finally tore her eyes away from the screen, "Anne, tell me you voted for Secretary Clinton."

"Well..."

"Who. Did. You. Vote. For. ?."

"I wrote in Bernie's name."

Hades burst out laughing, Persephone shook her head as she got up to get another beer. Nemesis's eye twitched tensely.

"You, a citizen of the United States of America since before it was the United States of America, who fought in almost every war in its history securing and defending the right to vote, entered the voting booth in November of 2016, and voted for someone who didn't even make it onto the ballot?"

"Actually I voted in October of 2016. Mail in."

Nemesis clawed at her temples in frustration, "What were you thinking?"

"What? I thought you of all people would be a Bernie supporter! You're all about fairness; Bernie wants to make the privileged and fortunate people share what they have with the less fortunate to balance the scales! That's... that's you! Balancing the scales! That's your thing!"

"That's... urgh... Anne, a president cannot do the things Senator Sanders promised. His agenda is moot, because he could never, would never be able to follow through with his plans. He's just another old white man telling people what they want to hear to keep his own bread buttered. Just like Samuel Adams. Would you have voted for Samuel Adams? Hm? No, because he was a shallow self-serving prick."

"That's not fair," Anne shook her head, "Sam wasn't that bad."

"Ben Franklin would be rolling in his grave if he heard you say that," Nemesis said.

"That's low, Addy."

"Why?" Persephone asked, confused.

"Ben and I had a lengthy friendship and a... dalliance."

"Seriously?" Persephone laughed, "Was he good?"

"For an old man?" Anne said, "Yeah, he really was. I had no complaints, certainly. And neither did he."

"Look, primaries start on Monday and this farce of a trial will essentially be over in the next 24 hours," Hades said, "So the real question is who we're backing in 2020? Anne's still going to support the Berninator, I assume."

"Yes, proudly."

"Well, my girl A.O.C. gave Bernie her endorsement," Persephone said, "So I'd probably swing that way. I'm guessing, my dear husband, you'll be supporting Bloomberg?"

"Nope," Hades shook his head, "Mayor Pete."

"The god of wealth is going to back the one candidate that's not a millionaire?" Persephone quirked an eyebrow.

"You saw all the news coverage with the wine cave, right?"

"That was one of our wine caves?" Persephone asked, "I really have been distracted."

"Well, I was making a big donation anyway, and figured, eh, what the hell? We might as well have some fun with it all."

"That didn't play well for him in the papers," Anne said.

"If you saw the size of the check I cut, you'd know how little that mattered. How about it Adresteia? Who are you voting for?"

"Well I was going to vote for Kamala Harris," Nemesis said, "but that didn't pan out. I certainly won't scribble her into my ballot though," she glared at Anne.

"Well maybe you should," Anne narrowed her eyes, "Because maybe an election is about more than winning."

"Ugh, it doesn't even matter, anyway," Nemesis shook her head, "Between the electoral college and the incumbent rigging the process who knows how many different ways, it's not going to be a fair election regardless."

"Oh, so that's it?" Anne said, "You're just going to give up like that? Not vote at all because the system doesn't work the way it should?"

"Would you play a game with someone who openly cheats?" Nemesis pressed her.

"Depends on the game," Anne shrugged, "For poker that's half the fun. If there aren't five aces in the deck, you're doin' it wrong."

"I'm being serious."

"Well what choice do you have but to play the hand you're dealt as best you can, no matter how much everyone else at the table cheats."

"What choice? I could fly over to that building right now and settle their squabble quite finally. Or maybe just hop on board Air Force One mid-flight and redecorate the inside."

"And thoroughly destroy our country in the process?" Anne said, "Is that what you would want?"

The three gods looked back and forth at each other, their expressions either apathetic or ambivalent.

"We've been around ten times longer than you, my dear fae," Hades said, "It's hard to get too invested when you've seen as many empires fall as we have."

"It's not like the United States was ever really special," Persephone said, "I mean, look at the buildings down the street; even their architecture is derivative of two failed republics."

"You three are really that cynical? Addy, if you go in there all goddess-of-retribution-like, that'll be it for rule of law - it'll just be rule of you. Is that what you want? Three thousand years stalking evil and wickedness in the background of history, and you suddenly want to play god? Like Zeus?"

"Hmm..." Nemesis smiled, "Well, maybe there is another way." She got up and headed to the door.

"What? Where are you going?" Anne asked.

"I need a more convincing birth certificate. Don't want my opponent finding out I was born 3200 years ago in Knossos to nonhuman parents. Pretty sure that would disqualify me several times over."

"Disqualify you?" Anne asked, "From what?"

"Being president, of course. That orange vampire thinks he's a god, so why shouldn't a goddess run against him?"

"The election is less than a year away," Hades pointed out, "Even if I back you, there's no way you can get on the ballot at this point." 

"That's fine," Nemesis said, "I'm sure the ass-hat will try to run for a third term. His kind always do. I can humiliate him in 2024. I'm not getting any older."

Nemesis left her three friends exchanging nervous glances.

"She did actually just leave to start a political campaign, right?" Anne asked, "and not to go do the assassination thing?"

"No... probably just the campaign thing..." Hades looked at Persephone uncertainly, but she just shrugged. "She probably won't kill anyone tonight."

"Probably?" Anne asked.

Persephone gave Hades a worried look, and he sighed in resignation, "Get the tab, dear. I have to go make sure a lot of unrighteous heathens make it safely to their beds tonight."

"She'd go after the turtle man first," Persephone said, "But maybe, you know, let her succeed a little?"

"Succeed a little?" Hades asked, "What does it mean to succeed a little at smiting someone?"

"I don't' know - you know, just a few small lightning bolts instead of one big one? Light smiting."

Anne smirked, "I feel like there's obvious joke about Kentucky Fried..."

"No," Hades stopped her with a raised finger, "Shush. You've done enough. Damned goddesses always having to fix things..." he muttered and disappeared out the door.

"So..." Anne said, "Any more upbeat news to share?"

"Well, I was appreciating the rising CO2 levels in the atmosphere," Persephone said, "Despite the deforestation and wildfires contributing to it. But then the koalas started dying, and now I think it might be past time I did something about climate change. Personally."

"Oh, wow," Anne nodded, "You're going to use your god powers to undo it?"

"...Sure..." Persephone smiled icily, "Something like that."

As We Near a Conclusion

Senators Blackburn and Alexander,

I didn't vote for either of you, and I cannot imagine any circumstances under which I would. My political attitudes reside solidly on the left, on a number of issues which either of you would be unyielding on. So I won't lie to you or attempt to bargain with you to try and get what I want - I think it would be pointless for both of you and insulting to the intelligence of at least one of you.

But I will say this: though an ardent liberal, I was never an enthusiastic supporter of impeaching President Donald J. Trump. Nor was I an enthusiastic supporter of NOT impeaching Donald J. Trump. Whether I like it or not, my mental math for our nation's future is not optimistic because, from the very beginning of his term, this president has cast doubt on the validity of our elections.

During the course of his 2016 campaign, Donald J. Trump violated conventions again and again - norms which exist not simply for politeness's sake, but for the integrity of our electoral process. Always in the guise of jest, he asked Russia to take action against the campaign of his primary rival in the election, and went so far as to less-than-subtly float the idea of 'those 2nd Amendment people' assassinating her. With less subtlety he promised his voters that his opponent would go to prison, a truly chilling moment that turned into an ardent rallying cry in his base. None of these heavy-handed bullying tactics inspired average voters' confidence in the electoral process, which went from a matter Americans discussed civilly and critically like baseball stats, to a muddy brawl of veiled and unveiled threats of violence.

Then Donald J. Trump took office despite losing the popular vote. By virtue of a technical defect in the badly broken electoral college system, he thwarted the people's power to decide their leadership. For many of us, it was disillusioning to know that - although we turned out in force and, as a nation, rejected Donald J. Trump - our votes didn't matter, or at least, they didn't matter as much as the votes cast by people in other states. It left wounds into which the presidents' defenders have ground salt every time they talk about 'letting the will of the people be heard' or 'tearing up voters' ballots by impeaching the president'. Most of us weren't heard the first time, we were ignored, our ballots treated like trash by a broken system none of you have done anything to fix.

But, that wasn't enough. The president could not accept that he'd lost the popular vote. Rather than comport himself with humility as any reasonable civil servant would under these awkward circumstances, he peddled ridiculous allegations of voter fraud to account for the two million votes by which he was defeated in the election. He leaned hard into these conspiracy theories, even throwing around the weight of his  newly won office to back himself up, and going so far as to inflate inane details like the turn out at his inauguration, all to convince his base that, really, the overwhelming majority of voters loved him, and the only reason he lost the popular vote was the deep state conspiring against him, undocumented residents voting illegally, or something else absurd.

On the left, our faith in fair elections has been thin ever since the president 'won' the 2016 election despite his opponent garnering the larger number of votes. On the right, I imagine faith in fair elections has been thin ever since the president began throwing about allegations of voter fraud. Because of this bipartisan existential crisis, the 2020 election was always going to be problematic. Due to the conditions of the incumbent's previous 'victory' and his prior and subsequent conduct, the truth is that no matter who wins the election, many voters will believe that the outcome is illegitimate, and most will at the very least have doubts.

But it didn't stop there, did it? The president began asking foreign powers to investigate his campaign rivals, again - first in phone calls, and then on TV screens around the world. He fostered an international image that promises to reward those nations who collude with him, and to punish those who refuse to be involved in our elections. And it seems to matter little to him whether they are America's allies or enemies. Rather than let the crack in our nation's confidence mend, the president went at that weak point like a badger prying apart a bee hive.

And then the calls for impeachment began, not from congressmen and women, but from their constituents, the voters. How could they not call for his removal?

Ordinarily, we should be able to trust the mechanisms of democracy, to trust voters to judge their presidential candidates critically and carefully, and allow them to remove an unsuitable candidate from office, but when the president uses the power of his office to exercise an unfair campaign advantage, how can we trust our elections to be fair? In 2016, our faith in fairness was rewarded with a president that lost his own election - we'd be right to have a crisis of confidence just for that alone, but even without the electoral college handing victories to candidates rejected by the people, we now have a system in which any challenger must defeat an incumbent who has, essentially, unlimited resources to invest in his opponents' destruction.

And I do not say that lightly. Think about it. If - as the president's defense has argued - any action the president takes to secure his re-election is ethical and not an abuse of power, where is the line? He took money away from the military to build his border wall - could he not take more of the taxpayers' money to finance his campaign? Could he not leverage his control of the executive branch to relentlessly investigate and harass his opponents and their families, while himself being immune to any such investigation? What exactly prevents himself from having opponents arrested, just for the fun of putting them through the process of delousing? There would be no recourse, no defense for the victims of his political persecution, and even if there were, no rebuke would offset the damage of having their 'mugshots' shared in every campaign commercial he ran thereafter.

If Donald J. Trump is on the ballot in November, few Americans will have any faith in the integrity of our electoral process. If he wins, extremists like Antifa will feel his election tampering gives them free-reign, morally speaking, to take violent action against the U.S. government. Worse, an awful lot of us non-extremists are going to start thinking that, maybe, the guys in the black masks are not the bad guys anymore. If Trump actually loses, despite his systemic advantages, then militia groups around the nation will believe that he was the victim of some liberal/Jewish/deep state/gay conspiracy. They will declare the new administration invalid, and likewise feel that they've been given just-cause to engage in activity that will pass from domestic terrorism into insurgency - and a lot of the president's supporters will follow them, especially if he stands in front of a camera and claims that the election was rigged against him, which - if the past is any indication - he almost certainly would.

Any outcome of the election ends in violence, martial law, and a low-key civil war that may not see troops on a battle field, but will see bombs in our schools, churches, and government buildings. People will die. Real people; adults, seniors, children, babies - ripped apart in parking lots by the bullets of right-wing insurgents' assault weapons or in state office buildings by the shrapnel of left-wing revolutionaries' improvised explosives.

But the impeachment does not likely offer a better outcome, does it? If the president is acquitted, Americans on the left will be further embittered against the government - it will confirm every pessimistic thought they have going into the election. If the president is found guilty by a slim majority, and removed from office, Americans on the right will believe that the handful of congressmen and women who crossed party lines are guilty of treason. All roads, that I see, lead to disorder and death, and those in power only have a few options left to consider as they vote first on whether to allow witnesses in the senate trial, and then vote later on whether to remove the president from office.

The first option, of course, is to actually try and prevent this. Senators could band together and reject President Trump's amoral behavior with an overwhelming bipartisan majority. That would be great, but my opinion of your party's integrity is not so great that I imagine that happening. The second option, of course, is for all of you to cover your own asses. After all, when it all falls apart, the best protection one can have is power, right? Do whatever you can to stay in the president's good graces, and live comfortably like nobles at Versailles, while your constituents burn. The third option is the most arduous - defy the president, even knowing that he will likely remain in power, and turn against you with the might of his office, his foreign allies, and his violent base.

I'll admit that, being a father now, I might go with the second option in your position. If the Republic truly cannot be saved, I might do almost anything to protect my family against what will come. But then, I didn't run for public office. I didn't campaign for the privilege of safeguarding the well-being of the American people. I never took an oath to defend the Constitution or the nation it governs. Both of you did. Playing it safe to stay on the 'winning side', aiding and abetting President Trump to remain in his favor and avoid his reprisal, breaks that oath as deeply as anything I could imagine.

In the end, I cannot offer you some quid pro quo to persuade you to proceed forward in the fashion that I want, but I can ask you, truly, how do you want to be remembered? When they write the history books for whatever nation will succeed the United States, do you want to be remembered as people of integrity who fought to safeguard and protect the Republic? To salvage the American dream? Or do you want to be remembered as the shills who sold out democracy for a few pieces of silver?

You will face two critical decisions in the next couple of weeks. The first comes later today when the Senate votes on whether to hear witnesses. Senator Blackburn has repeatedly declared the House investigation a sham, but has done 'F'-all to rectify that in the senate. This is the moment for that to change - if you truly think that the House's deliberation was unfair, do better. See every lead pursued thoroughly, every line of inquiry considered. Call Hunter Biden, or Joe Biden, even. They're not relevant to the proceedings, but if bringing them in to the Senate helps you reassure your conservative voters that the process was fair, fine. That's essentially all that's left at this point - doing something, *anything* to restore the people's faith on both ends of the political spectrum, that the U.S. government still functions as a nation of laws rather than as a land of tyranny.

Thank you,

Dr. James N. McDonald
Oak Ridge, TN

[Image from: https://fallout.fandom.com/wiki/Washington,_D.C.]